An Open Letter To All My Male Friends...

[PassingFair]

Really, really excellent op-ed from The Guardian:



http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/30/an-open-letter-to-all-my-male-friends

[BlancheSplanchnik]

1. reminded me of many past experiences

And that feeling of steeling yourself. How to react. Afraid to react and make it worse. Caught by surprise and left with your anger while the guy laughs and makes a clean getaway. Analysing out a situation, how to get to safety, or not let the guy following you know where you live (don't go directly home.)......

Too many experiences to tell....I think what Estelle, the author at the link, is wanting when she says she's not sure what she's asking of men is this:

To be HEARD...
To have your EXPERIENCE respected.

Not argued against. Not minimized. Not switched to their insulted ego or manipulated into silence ourselves by male complaints.
Not ignored because it's woman stuff. Too many men can't relate and don't want to hear about it, don't want to "get involved".

[davidthegnome]

2. It's pretty damned sad.

She's pretty much spot on with everything she said. I realize that this kind of stuff happens everywhere, but it seems to be much worse in America, where we're supposedly so wealthy, so free, so "enlightened". There's lots of people who blame our violent movies and video games - but we can point to other Countries that have the exact same obsession - if not more of one, but have no where near the same level of sexual assault.

I guess if I had to decide where to point the finger - it would be at religion. Primarily (at least in the US) Christianity. The bible has so many examples of absolutely bizarre misogyny that it's hard to know where to start. Men with many wives who treated them as if they were cattle, women being stoned for crimes - when committed by a man - no one would have batted an eye at. The frequent suggestions that men are somehow superior, more holy. That they should be masters.

There are so very many different brands of Christianity here - and many different kinds of Christian. The most popular sort though, tends to come from a background in which the father and husband is basically the "head of household". You know, the only guy I really liked very much in the bible was Jesus - and when conservative Christians go about judging and condemning, they rarely tend to point to him as an example. Rather, they'll reference random quotes and passages in which some asshole a long time ago said something stupid - and the funny thing is, they think it's all righteous and holy because if it was in the bible - well, it must be!

Purportedly magic Jewish guy (who I thought was pretty cool) aside - if you want to know why men have this notion of entitlement, why the Patriarchy has such power and history, the bible would be a good place to start. So many generations of indoctrination, slavery and oppression - and it sure as hell wasn't just women that suffered. It was everyone but the rich. Which is kind of like how it is now. Yet somehow - even NOW, these very same notions, this very same random assortment of writings - seems to be upheld as the justification for all of the worst things about society, often perpetuated by people holding and/or quoting bibles.

I don't know. Maybe the problem isn't conservative christianity. Maybe it's human stupidity. Maybe it's wealth and greed. Maybe it's a combination of them all.

A good start, I think, would be if more fanatical Christians would begin to question whether things that were written many centuries ago and re-written and translated any number of times... are accurate, holy, or actually the word of God. When someone tells me to read the bible, I tell them they should read Harry Potter, it's much more entertaining.

[ismnotwasm]

3. I've read the bible a couple of times

I'm agnostic, so I read it like a book. I was horrified. Then I started asking people about it, and found that people tend to not read it cover to cover. They cherry pick. Some of the most oft quoted "inspirational" passages are associated with some atrocity or another.

I agree about Jesus-- he was cool. I read alternative theologians like Elaine Pagels and get the political insight of how Christianity developed the way it did.

Haven't found a religion yet that doesn't have a specific opinion on out women. Usually negative, but more often contrasted, whore, chaste, selfish, self sacrificing ect.--as though there were conditions of women only.

[Flatulo]

4. You can forget about having 'born again' or other conservative Christians ever questioning the truth

of the bible.

I've worked with many scientists and engineers. - people educated at the masters and doctorate level - who take every word in the bible as absolute, literal truth. I have an old friend who, every Christmas, sends a lengthy email out to all his heathen friends - myself included - begging them to save their eternal souls by accepting Jesus into our lives or be forever doomed to burn in hell.

Usually I ignore it, but this year I patiently replied that I honestly just didn't believe any of it... and I haven't heard from him since. He's alienated his children, who fled at the first opportunity, and most of his friends, but he remains undeterred. He is on a mission.

Another time a colleague was preparing to depart for Japan on a business trip. I asked him if he minded spending so much time (30 hours) flying. He smiled broadly and replied 'No, not at all. In fact, I hope that plane blows to smithereens at 35,000 feet, because as I fall to earth, I do so with the knowledge that I'll be with my sweet Jesus in just a few moments.' I'm so glad I never flew with that cheerful idiot.

No, you won't get that bunch to examine their premises.

[redqueen]

6. It's not much worse here than any other western country.

The Everyday Sexism project, the project which first allowed women to have an outlet for these kinds of complaints (because in most western countries they laugh at you for complaining - making a big deal out of 'compliments'), originated in the UK.

One woman in the UK decided to give women an outlet and it has exploded since then.

This isn't anything to do with religion. Stop trying to find anything to blame besides patriarchy, rape culture, and misogyny.

[Flatulo]

5. I know that the onus shouldn't be on women to tackle this issue alone, but I do think it would

be helpful if more women had this conversation, in one form or another, with their male friends. I honestly believe that most people respond positively to a personal appeal.

The same goes for bullying, rough housing, teasing and other behaviors that most normal people just don't enjoy being the brunt of.

I've never, ever been the catcalling or gawking kind of guy, but I know of a few men who could benefit from this kind of message. They're not bad people, but they see this kind of behavior as harmless, when it's clearly not. If for every ten men who got this message, even one alters his behavior, the world would be a measurably better place for women.

It's how I get my friends aware of, and on my side, on political issues that I champion - one soul at a time.