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Mon Jan 5, 2015, 11:42 AM

Compassion, Men, and Me

I havenít thought this through extensively. Normally I wouldnít write about anything I havenít thought through extensively, but Iíll explain that.

But Iíve read Scott Aaronsonís article and Laurie Pennyís article and Chana Messingerís article and Iím still nowhere closer to having a conclusion about any of this. I do know this: pain is real no matter who feels it. I am a feminist and I sympathize with Aaronson. Does this make me that much of an anomaly? I doubt it, but who knows.

I also know this: the vast majority of the time that this particular shy nerdy guy pain has been shared with me, it has been shared in response to my attempts to discuss or advocate against sexual harassment and assault, or sexism in general. This makes it very difficult to continue being compassionate.

I donít agree that ďBut I was sad because I could never get laidĒ necessarily always means ďI am demanding that some woman sleep with me in order to make me feel better,Ē but I understand why many feminist women think that it does. Weíre not sure what else weíre supposed to do with all this pain being handed to us. Aaronson may think heís the only one, or one of the only ones, but many of us have been hearing this sort of thing for years. Some of us heard it from the guys we hopelessly crushed on in high school, who ignored us to fantasize about prettier, normal-er girlsĖbecause, guess what? Shy nerdy girls who canít get laid exist, too.


http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2015/01/04/compassion-men-and-me/

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Reply Compassion, Men, and Me (Original post)
ismnotwasm Jan 2015 OP
seaglass Jan 2015 #1
F4lconF16 Jan 2015 #2
ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #3

Response to ismnotwasm (Original post)

Mon Jan 5, 2015, 01:00 PM

1. This was great ism. Thank goodness work is so slow, I was able to read this and the 3 articles

it was in response to. Lots to digest.

I just love the end of the one you've linked to:

"I follow these discussions, the Feminists Need To Be More Considerate Of Menís Feelings discussions, and I feel that, once again, menís feelings are being handed to me to deal with. And Iím just not sure what Iím being asked to do with them. Do you want me to sympathize with you? That I can do. Iíve always done it, and I will always do it. If you recognized yourself in Aaronsonís post: Iím sorry you had such a shitty time. I wish it could have gone better.

But do you want me to sympathize with you, or do you want me to drop what I was carrying to hold your feelings instead?

That I will not do.

Every time I try to be more compassionate towards the men I criticize, I am told that Iím still not compassionate enough.

Itís almost as though they want me to just stop criticizing."

http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2015/01/04/compassion-men-and-me/

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Response to ismnotwasm (Original post)

Mon Jan 5, 2015, 03:32 PM

2. I haven't finished the main article,

But I just read the linked Laurie Penny article. That was one hell of a piece. It should be mandatory reading for men in STEM fields.

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Response to F4lconF16 (Reply #2)

Mon Jan 5, 2015, 03:39 PM

3. I thought it was great as well

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