Who Needs Feminism?

[MadrasT]

Who needs feminism?

Identify yourself as a feminist today and many people will immediately assume you are man-hating, bra-burning, whiny liberal. Perhaps a certain charming radio talk show host will label you as a “Feminazi” or “slut.” Even among more moderate crowds, feminism is still seen as too radical, too uncomfortable, or simply unnecessary. Feminism is both misunderstood and denigrated regularly right here on Duke’s campus. We, the 16 women of Professor Rachel Seidman’s course on Women in the Public Sphere, have decided to fight back against these popular misconceptions surrounding the feminist movement. Our class was disturbed by what we perceive to be an overwhelmingly widespread belief among students that today’s society no longer needs feminism. In order to change this perception on campus, we have launched a PR campaign for feminism. We aim to challenge existing stereotypes surrounding feminists and assert the importance of feminism today.

I need feminism because no one should tell me to “calm down” or “just be cool” when I react negatively to a sexist joke or comment.

I need feminism because I’ve always been “the pretty one”. my brother and cousins are the smart ones. I’ve been encouraged to be educated but was never really expected to excel, and wasn’t taken seriously about wanting to get a PhD by my parents (at first). When people ask me what I want to do when I graduate college next year and I reply with wanting to go to graduate school to get my doctorate in clinical psychology, I almost always get the look that says “right. good luck with that.” I need feminism because society needs to stop judging women based on how they look, and understand that women are human, and created equal.

Femininity does not equal weakness. I’m tired of hearing my friends and family say, “Suck it up, pussy.” or, “Don’t be such a girl!” when a man shows any kind of emotion, and not understanding why I’m offended. Showing emotion isn’t bad. Being a woman isn’t bad.

I need feminism because I wish my immediate response was not ducking my head and using my “nice legs” to quicken my pace.

I need feminism because I wish I could fight back against street harassment without being labeled a bitch.

I need feminism because my boyfriend could hardly believe all of the women in my life have experienced street harassment.

Lots more here: http://whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com/

[seabeyond]

1. i love it... just saw the first peek, but, i have to run.

will read later. thanks.

[MadrasT]

5. The last one I included

Especially resonated with me.

Just last month I has a conversation with my BF about street harassment. He is 50 years old and seemed completely unaware of the shit you have to deal with just because you have breasts and decide to wear a skirt and go out in public. ("You wanna know why I don't wear dresses more? Let me 'splain something to you....&quot

[Hatchling]

12. Exactly.

I live on a cross street from a street that is known for it's hookers.

Now I am a 60 year old, obese woman with obviously graying hair walking home from the bus stop. That night I was wearing old jeans, an oversize t-shirt with dirty tennies (having just come home from my ceramics class) and my hair was straggly with bits of clay and sweat matted and wearing a back pack. I was walking maybe half a block behind an an obvious working girl wearing four inch heels, hot pants, low, off the shoulder blouse with no purse (the no purse is the give away. Their money and paper are keep by the pimps who drive them from one end of their territory and pick them up at the other end to repeat the sequence.)

So instead of stopping for the working girl a truck stops by me and asks if I want a date. Not dressed in any way feminine, etc. I should have been safe. Hell, I wouldn't have wanted me the way I was dressed, but no, I was a woman walking at night and in no way advertising myself.

Walking while female is like driving while black. Not fair and not right.

[seabeyond]

2. These are our young. Do we hear what they are saying?

I lOve these women. Thank you so much. I even teared up listening to these young women. And what are they all saying? Let them be human beings and leave them the fuck alone. Tell me how this is not relevant effecting our kids.

[MadrasT]

4. I was very moved, too.

And I love that these young women are so aware.

[boston bean]

3. Thanks for the post Madras T. Rec'd! nt

[MadrasT]

6. With all the negativity and bullying of feminists here

(and elsewhere), I thought we could use something positive.

[boston bean]

7. Definitely inspiring! Thanks again!!!

[Mockingjay]

8. The feminist movement needs a revival

I have been wonder this for many years.....because the I saw the backlash and then no progress.
The disrespect I have recieved time and again for fifty years is some thing I hoped would end....but now I see the battle has not been won...and it's high time the young generation of women wake up!

[davidthegnome]

9. Hmm

It's no joke that women are constantly objectified, or that men frequently make cat calls or inappropriate comments. What I don't really see happening right now is what I think is necessary - education and some level of discipline for the young in this Country.

If young boys are taught by their Fathers or Mothers the proper way to treat women, if they are raised correctly, that in itself will help future generations to be more enlightened and less likely to see women as sex objects. If we were to implement programs at public schools, particularly for young boys, to talk about the issues facing the gender war today, it would help a great deal.

The impression I get from a lot of modern feminists is that men (in general) are sexual predators. The impression I get is that we are in some way inferior due to our testosterone and (generally speaking) greater obsession with sex. The impression I get is that we are seen as the enemy, in many instances as simply not necessary or even of value.

If we want a society in which people are seen and treated as equal regardless of gender, the education and the effort needs to come from both sides. I do think that modern feminism tends to vilify and alienate men, which unfortunately I think is only more likely to worsen the problem. I have had conversations with feminists in the past regarding these opinions and have been repeatedly told that I simply cannot understand, because I am a man. Perhaps this is so. Or perhaps we both need to go to the table with our ideas and goals so that we can assist each other in understanding each other.

When it comes down to it, I agree with the stated goals of many feminists. Equal treatment under the law, equal pay for equal work, the idea that we should value people for who they are, rather than whether they appeal to us physically. I am not the enemy, but I can't work with people who see me as such and refuse to listen to what I have to say. I certainly do not think that all feminists see me as such, yet it is rare that I have met one I can have a conversation with without the daggers coming out (metaphorically speaking, of course).

I think that in order to revitalize feminism, it would be necessary to appeal to both genders. Frankly, I think most of us value a lot of the same things and share a lot of the same basic principles. Is feminism necessary? As well to ask if men or women are necessary. It is - and they are, but in order to thrive it must evolve to be more inclusive.

That's my five cents, anyway.

[seabeyond]

10. i AGREE with just about everything you say. how about that? see how easy that is.

If young boys are taught by their Fathers or Mothers the proper way to treat women, if they are raised correctly, that in itself will help future generations to be more enlightened and less likely to see women as sex objects.

i was really concerned having babies in texas. i thought they would be unduly influenced in the texas mentality. from all i read in parenting books, and what i heard, a parent didnt have much hope against the peer and societal tide of fitting in. just a couple years into parenting, i found that to be utter bullshit. a connection with children. mutual respect, fascination with learning and conversation, piece of cake. our influence so outweighs any outside forces.

i totally agree it is all on the parents.

i have two boys. again, i was concerned with their world they were walking into with the hypersexualization and pornification of our girls. now that they are teens, i see a parents influence is all the difference in the world.

i am always on my boys side, even in lessons.

win win win. win for girls. win for boys. win for humanity. that is the only way this works.

i was getting my car fixed. again, talking to a man and the dismissiveness, no matter how nice i was. i had this happen in the past with this dealership. i had to go to the top dog then, and i had to do it again today. i didnt want to. hubby poked me to get on it. so i called, and started with, my hubby is nagging me to nag you. i am totally opposed to nagging. just to clear all the bullshit in talking with a man out of the way immediately.

these are things you will not understand as a man. that women experience continually.

i like your post. thank you for sharing.

a world where all women and girls are continually sexualized, and all a man is is the all empowering, all of who he is penis, then yes (not trying to be crude), men will continue to be obsesses with the objectification because that is so connected with his manhood.

[Little Star]

11. Ya know davidthegnome the patriarchy is bad for men also....

I wish more men would realize this fact. It has played both women and men. Put us in roles that are bed for both genders.

I have men in my personal life, work friends and social friends that I absolutely adore. They are good men. But they have their roles defined by the patriarchy too. Thank heavens a lot of them realize they are up against these patriarchy's rules also.

May Gawd help us all.

[MadrasT]

14. My BF and I were talking about this, too.

As soon as (some? many?) men hear the word "patriarchy" they tense up and get defensive and think you are attacking them, personally. It takes a lot of discussion to defuse the charge that pops up when the word "patriarchy" is used.

I have to start off with: "But men are damaged by the patriarchy, too! Here is how..." and then talk about some of the limitations and harms experienced by men because of the rigid gender roles and expectations imposed by the traditional system of patriarchy. And eventually, we're nodding in agreement and commiserating about how hard it is for all of us to live in this world with gender roles and expectations such as they are.

Lots of men are able to find agreement, but the word "patriarchy" itself is highly charged.

It gets frustrating though, because then we're spending all that time talking about... men again.

And meanwhile I am thinking, "Here I am hand-holding and soothing hurt feelings (for a man, yet again)... when do we get to the part where women actually matter?"

[seabeyond]

15. I am hand-holding and soothing hurt feelings (for a man, yet again)

sigh

always.....

[MadrasT]

18. Which is why I totally understand why some women just won't do it anymore.

And why "nice" gets back-burnered.

It. Never. Ends.

Because it seems like we never get to the part where women actually matter.

[redqueen]

17. Precisely.

"Here I am hand-holding and soothing hurt feelings (for a man, yet again)... when do we get to the part where women actually matter?"


The information about the patriarchy is freely available, if people are curious. A lot of the ideas and information about progressive politics isn't handed out like candy, complete with hand-holding for the rich who may feel threatened.

[MadrasT]

19. Now now.

We have to "be nice."



That's the whole problem, apparently.

We are not "nice".

[davidthegnome]

13. The Patriarchy is hopelessly corrupt

Perhaps it has always been so. No where is this more evident than in the Catholic church.

Having been raised Roman Catholic, at one time in my life I was a true sheep among the flock. It was my goal, perhaps my purpose, to become a Priest so that I might share that faith. Yet it was also a matter of stature, of respect. Looking back, I had this view on how Priests should be seen - respected, admired, for their sacrifice (in giving up marriage and sex, taking a vow of poverty) and their virtue (it is to be hoped). I wanted that respect, that admiration, I wanted to earn it and one day be a comfort to the grieving, a councilor to the young. Perhaps a confidant and friend to my parish, cherishing the progressive values while sharing what I felt was Christ's message of love, mercy and generosity.
(I am getting to the point - eventually.)

I was all but ready for the seminary when I made a friend who had very conservative ideals. It was a lonely time in my life (having just gotten over a really hard break up and moved away from my children) and I was, not quite in despair, but very blue.

This friend was a genius in so many ways. He had studied at seminary, though had not finished his education. He had been to all parts of the Country to speak of faith and of principle. A bearded man in his late thirties, he had seen much of the world that I could only imagine. He taught me to be a better chess player, to think more deeply and to look beyond the obvious in many instances. He showed me the corruption of the Church, in protecting child predators using the wealth of the faithful (I had, and have a personal reason to despise them).

It was then that I lost my faith in the Catholic church - but not yet because I recognized the Patriarchy. I still believed that gender equality was something that had been achieved years ago. It was he himself who once again demonstrated my blindness.

There was a local woman whom I admired. A Native American of the MicMac Tribe who still practiced her peoples old ways. She even had a sweat tent that she kept near my friend - who lived with his girlfriend in a secluded home on a rural road.

A lovely woman, naturally dark skin, brown curly hair down a little past her shoulders. Enormous brown eyes that you could easily lose yourself in if you weren't careful. A smile that not only lit up a room but inspired a blush or a sheepish grin in the hapless youth that I was. She was really someone I found special.

Though I was much younger (she being 39 or so and myself only 21) I was intrigued by her romantically and asked her to dinner. She declined, but did take me for a ride in her van one night, saying she had something important to tell me.

"David. You should know something about Lee. Ginette? The woman he lives with? She is his second cousin." (Frowned upon, but not unheard of, certainly not in Aroostook County Maine). "The reason I am staying with them is because they are having therapy. Lee has been beating her and she asked me to come live with her." She also offered various forms of alternative therapy herself, most of which I simply did not understand, involving the sweat tent and a pipe.

To say I was stunned would be a dramatic understatement. I was crushed. My Mentor, my closest friend, from who I had learned so much... was not who I had thought he had been. Yet she didn't stop there.

"He isn't a good person. Many times he has made advances to me and when I refuse him he has threatened me, even swearing to burn down my tent. He often talks about how he is the chosen one - what he means by this I don't know. But he has come to the tent with a bible in his hand, calling upon God to vanquish the demons. I won't go into detail, but there's a lot more. I like you David, and you should know these things."

Why did I instantly believe in these things she told me about my friend? Shouldn't I have denied the possibility of what she was saying? Jumped to his defense? No. Somewhere inside I had always known something was wrong with him, with his relationship - even the way he treated women. He would hold open the door for a woman, pull out chairs, pretend to chivalry, but in private and quietly he made advances I chose to be blind to. I simply didn't want to see it. When his girlfriend flinched when he came near, I put it down to a nervous tic (this happened rarely, but often enough to recognize).

In many ways, my friendship with him had changed me. I had, I think, devolved into more of a conservative point of view. A lot of the views I had long held sacred had become twisted. Between the woman I mentioned and my Father, eventually they brought me back to sanity... but I was a long time recovering. We had planned to start our own faith, our own church perhaps. He had been more than a Mentor to me, almost like an older Brother.

The point of sharing this is to demonstrate clearly that men still choose, deliberately, to be blind to the Patriarchy. We ignore the flaws in our friends, in our companions, our most respected councilors... because it is easier to do than thinking and seeing for ourselves. I am as guilty of this as anyone. More guilty than most, I think. The Patriarchy is so corrupt and still so powerful because so many still refuse to believe it exists. They don't know the horror many women can feel in an abusive relationship - where even close friends don't reach out when they should. Simply put, it is willful blindness - not usually out of malice, but out of fear.

I never did confront him. I was a deeply troubled youth and took to my room for months, shaking with anxiety attacks, praying, trying to reconcile my faith, my ideals, with everything that had happened. I had always been a nervous person, but my collapse at the time, the collapse of the (ultimately misplaced) foundation of my new faith all but ruined me.

This story does have a happy ending. Ginette threw him out years ago and he now undoubtedly wanders around in CT, seeking new converts. With his intelligence and remarkable ability to manipulate... he will find them, but I doubt he will keep them.

One of the reasons feminism is necessary, is to open our eyes. To help protect good women like Ginette or the Native American woman of my story. Also to cast away the blindness that we don't even usually realize we are guilty of.

To come to a close - all of this rambling was for a purpose. I am not the enemy, but someone who was hurt by a dear friend, who could easily be taken as an example of the Patriarchy. For Feminism to evolve, I feel it must educate young men as much as young women. Well... that's all I've got to say.

[MadrasT]

16. Thank you for sharing your experience.

It took a lot of time to share that, and I can tell how deeply this experience affected you and the way you view the world.

I mean that completely sincerely, and I agree with your conclusion.

We are all in this together.

[seabeyond]

20. you tell a very good story. you are

an excellent writer. thank you for taking the time to share this. from the heart, your writing was so reflective and heartfelt that i loved reading and did not want to stop.

The point of sharing this is to demonstrate clearly that men still choose, deliberately, to be blind to the Patriarchy. We ignore the flaws in our friends, in our companions, our most respected councilors... because it is easier to do than thinking and seeing for ourselves. I am as guilty of this as anyone. More guilty than most, I think. The Patriarchy is so corrupt and still so powerful because so many still refuse to believe it exists. They don't know the horror many women can feel in an abusive relationship - where even close friends don't reach out when they should. Simply put, it is willful blindness - not usually out of malice, but out of fear

this is truly the biggest challenge that we have. and i think the challenge is convincing that there is not a loss in owning, recognizing and letting go of the system.

when there is a feel of loss, people will hold on tight. what is the story about the sun and wind arguing who has more power. the wind blew and blew to get the coat off and the man just held on tighter. the sun shown strongly and the man willingly took of the coat.

i have had my own spiritual journey. surrender to surrender was the most freeing moment. allowing self to be vulnerable to learn, there is not vulnerability. only in protecting what we feel is a vulnerability. not the being. fear is an illusion in the past or future, never the now.

for men to know what they gain, and know they lose nothing, but only gain, is the really tough concept to get across.

thanks. again. i am so glad you wandered in this forum and decided to share so much.