24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner

[redqueen]

in the US, based on a CDC study from 2010.

http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/?s_cid=fb_vv467

What more can we do to address these forms of sexual violence? IMO ending the social acceptability of the linking of sex with violence is an important first step.

[NYC_SKP]

1. Interesting study, I wonder what the figure is for rape and physical violence alone.

Not to diminish this, but inclusion of stalking, as they define it, seems to tend to inflate the numbers.

Including "unwanted text messages" along with rape and physical violence may be misleading.

• Repeatedly receiving unwanted telephone calls, voice, or text messages was the most commonly experienced stalking tactic for both female and male victims of stalking (78.8% for women and 75.9% for men).

Also, the study indicates overlap; often all three offenses occur in a singular event.

In any event, thanks for the post and the link to the study, and I so strongly agree with your opinion regarding the merging in our culture of sex and violence.

I just don't get it.

[redqueen]

2. Yes, I'm on my phone now...

didn't see it till I'd left for work. I'm curious to see the breakdown in numbers in these documents.

[get the red out]

3. 25 years ago

So sad that people still aren't fully awake to this crap and what it does to people's lives. Back when I was in college I was stalked by an ex-boyfriend but at that time had never heard the word stalking. It was just something that happened, nothing to be done except make sure to not go anywhere alone, not have a phone in my apartment so I wouldn't get harassing calls in the middle of the night (he would actually call me at places other than my own apartment, I guess to let me know he knew where I was), and ignore a guy I grew up with when he asked me what I had done to "make" his good fraternity brother respond like this. I didn't know his behavior had a name for a lot of years, at the time it probably didn't. I thought this was just a humiliation and misery I had gotten myself into and I had no option but to grit my teeth and take care of myself. And I was lucky, he never attacked me physically and flunked out of school and was gone at the end of the year. But even without the physical assult so many experience, it had a profound effect on my feeling safe in my own home, or anywhere, for a long time. To be honest, I think I still have some left-over effects today.

I can't imagine what people go through picking up the pieces after going through so incredibly much worse. It's only been in the last decade or so that I said to myself, "My God, that was me, I was stalked, that's exactly what happened". Back in my day I just thought of it as a vengeful break-up, a guy who got his kicks getting drunk and seeing what kind of misery he could give some girl he used to be involved with. Just one of those things, and so many people liked him, they would all take his side anyway, he was just having some fun afterall, wasn't he?

[redqueen]

4. Thanks for sharing your story.

As you so aptly described, stalking isn't some minor thing.

[JustAnotherGen]

5. 2004 - a person I went out with three times

When I moved from Western NY to NJ - my utilities and cable were placed in two different aunts names and their 'billing' address was in those states.

Until you've had someone call you when you are traveling for business in your hotel room 600 miles away - and call repeatedly - you don't understand.

Until you've called the police because someone is trying to kick in your garden view apartment living room window - you don't understand.

You get the restraining order - and the very day it ends - they call your unlisted cell phone number 72 times.

You get another restraining order - and as 'weak' as it may appear - it's nice to have a husband who can pick up the phone for you and physically threaten the person on the other end with his address and car description to get the sick f*cked in the head psycho to stop.

And people wonder why as a single woman and even now - I always had a loaded gun in my apartment, and an 'extra' emergency cell phone in my car.

And it's not just women - my friend - who helped me navigate this at the very beginning when I lived in Western NY - had experienced the same thing around the time the stalking laws went into place in NY State. In his case, it was a female federal marshall that blew out his bathroom window. Because he was/is an A.D.A. he managed his stalker successfully - and aided me in managing mine all of these years. But how many people experience this that DON'T have someone like I had to assist in getting the protection I needed?

Crah-crah-crah-zeeeeeeeeeee is not gender specific. Bunny boilers come in all shapes, sizes, races, religions, socio economic backgrounds, etc. etc.

[redqueen]

6. I wouldn't assume that such behavior was due to mental illness.

It seems more to me like just someone who is selfish, violent, controlling, manipulative, and willing to use coercive tactics to get their way.

I feel empathy for people who struggle with actual mental illness. Entitled, abusive shitheads, not so much.

[JustAnotherGen]

7. No

Mine was - his confession to his unmedicated bi-polar disorder on our third date and 'claim' that his last girlfriend had people come over and take bats to his car windows (later learned it was done in retaliation to get him off of her back) was all I need to call him crazy.

[redqueen]

8. I'm so glad you had some help dealing with that person.

It's so disheartening to think of how many people just grit their teeth and bear it.

I'm on my phone so lengthy posts are a pain, but I've dealt with this same kind of treatment, and I was definitely the keep your head down type about it. Just carried a taser for a while and started screening all my calls.

[get the red out]

10. That even brings up another topic as well

The fact that mental health care is horrifically lacking in both quality and quantity in this country. Another negative aspect of life that simply adds onto so many other negative aspects.

[get the red out]

9. Absolutely!

And no, people don't understand because they don't want to think it could happen to them. To try to understand means you have to think about it.

I am so sorry for what you've gone through.