Zorro
Zorro's JournalTrump Names TV Remote New Chief of Staff
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Having been turned down by several previous choices for the job, Donald J. Trump broke with tradition on Monday by picking his television remote to be his new chief of staff.
While some in Washington wondered whether an inanimate object was up to the rigors of working for the mercurial Trump, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, defended the unorthodox selection. “The President and the remote have demonstrated an excellent ability to work together, often for ten or twelve hours a day,” Sanders said.
But even as the White House touted the remote’s qualifications, its tenure as chief of staff appeared to get off to a rocky start on Monday morning.
After the remote got stuck and failed to change the channel when CNN’s Jim Acosta appeared on the television screen, Trump reportedly threw his new chief of staff across the room, narrowly missing Mike Pence’s head.
“I’ll be surprised if the remote makes it through the year,” a White House source said.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-names-tv-remote-new-chief-of-staff
Last gun show at fairgrounds is this weekend; operator intends to sue state
Crossroads of the West, which has held gun shows at the Del Mar Fairgrounds for nearly 30 years, will hold its last event there this weekend.
Beginning in January, the shows will be suspended for up to one year while fairgrounds administrators work out a policy to ban the sales of firearms and ammunition on the state-owned property.
The change comes after a string of horrific mass shootings across the nation, and in response to a small but persistent local group’s efforts to find ways to reduce gun violence.
“This last Del Mar gun show is a first step to end the glorification, proliferation and sale of guns and ammunition into our neighborhoods,” said Rose Ann Sharp, a Del Mar resident and founder of the group NeverAgainCA, by email Wednesday.
https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/communities/north-county/sd-no-last-gunshow-20181204-story.html
Visualizing American Income Levels by Age Group
There are two commonly held beliefs around income and age:
1) Earning trajectory is largely determined by the time a person is 35-years-old
2) Income is positively correlated with age
How do these beliefs stand up to the actual income data? As it turns out, quite well.
Today’s data, from the IPUMS.org Current Population Survey, is a detailed look at income by age group.
https://www.visualcapitalist.com/american-income-levels-by-age-group/
Wells Fargo Computer Glitch Accidentally Forecloses On All 5,700 Branches
SAN FRANCISCO—Saying it deeply regretted the error, financial services giant Wells Fargo confirmed Wednesday that a computer glitch had resulted in the lender accidentally foreclosing on all 5,700 of its retail banking branches in the United States.
“We apologize to anyone who might have been affected by this simple calculation error, including all of the branch managers, loan officers, and tellers who no longer have a place to work,” said CEO Timothy J. Sloan in a form letter that was sent to thousands of former Wells Fargo employees along with a check for $1,000 intended as remediation for the sudden loss of their jobs.
“Rest assured, we have taken measures to ensure such an oversight does not occur again and look forward to winning back the trust of everyone who relied upon our banks.”
Sloan declined to comment when asked if the savings incurred by closing every single Wells Fargo bank across the nation had paid for his new $15 billion annual bonus.
https://www.theonion.com/wells-fargo-computer-glitch-accidentally-forecloses-on-1830889330
Cannabis Compound Eyed As Possible Diabetes Treatment
A Marin County doctor says his research into medical marijuana has identified a compound that can help diabetes patients.
Dr. Michael Moskowitz, President of Bay Area Pain Medical Associates, says it’s not about getting high, it’s about getting well – and he thinks he’s on to something.
Moskowitz believes he has identified a rare component of marijuana called THCV that he says is helping one of his diabetic patients – a patient who’s blood sugar level varies between 50 and 1000 in a single day.
“It’s not clear, but it appears that, on a preliminary basis, for the first month that he did that, the extent of how much he varied seems to be less,” said Moskowitz.
https://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2018/12/04/cannabis-compound-eyed-as-possible-diabetes-treatment/
Interesting but sounds a bit self-serving.
Volkswagen says last generation of combustion engines to be launched in 2026
Source: Reuters
Volkswagen’s (VOWG_p.DE) strategy chief said on Tuesday the German carmaker’s core brand will develop its final generation of vehicles using combustion engine technology in 2026.
Volkswagen made a strategy shift toward battery-driven vehicles in the wake of a damaging diesel-emissions cheating scandal in 2015, which forced the carmaker to pay more than 27 billion euros in fines for hiding excessive pollution.
“In the year 2026 will be the last product start on a combustion engine platform,” Michael Jost told the Handelsblatt automotive summit conference at Volkswagen’s headquarters in Wolfsburg, Germany.
A spokesman confirmed Jost’s remarks meant that VW, Europe and China’s best selling passenger car brand, will focus on electric cars instead.
Read more: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-volkswagen-emissions-combustion-idUSKBN1O32O6
I think Elon Musk deserves some recognition in shifting the auto manufacturers in this direction.
Trump Boys Raid Sister's Closet For Sexy Clothes They Can Use To Seduce And Blackmail Robert Mueller
WASHINGTON—With each brother stretching a pair sheer tights over their arms before shimmying into evening gowns, the Trump boys reportedly raided their sister’s closet Tuesday for sexy clothes they could use to seduce and blackmail Special Counsel Robert Mueller.
“We can use Ivanka’s fancy dress-up stuff to disguise ourselves as a pretty lady for Mueller and then use our feminine willies [sic] to trick him and drive him crazy!” said Donald Trump Jr., who hobbled around his sister’s bedroom in a pair of high heels as Eric Trump wrapped a bra over his eyes while pretending to be a giant insect.
“He’s gonna think we’re so sexy, and once we get him to fall in love, then we can reveal ourselves and make him drop the charges against Dad or else we’ll tell everyone what happened. Watch out, Mueller. Donalina and Ericalina are coming for you!”
At press time, the sobbing Trump boys were reportedly spotted racing through the halls of the White House pursued by Ivanka Trump waving a ripped $5,000 designer gown.
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-boys-raid-sister-s-closet-for-sexy-clothes-they-c-1830861715
Fate of The Weekly Standard is uncertain, editor tells staff
The fate of The Weekly Standard, the conservative magazine that has staked out a position as a publication on the right still critical of President Donald Trump, is uncertain, Editor-in-Chief Stephen Hayes told staff in a series of phone calls Tuesday, according to two people familiar with the matter.
The magazine's precarious position comes after its leadership spent months searching for a buyer, the people told CNN.
The people explained that The Weekly Standard's leadership had butted heads with MediaDC, the current publisher of the magazine, and that the two parties had agreed to allow Hayes to search for a new owner.
However, MediaDC recently informed The Weekly Standard's leadership that the company was no longer interested in a sale, the people said.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/04/media/weekly-standard-future-uncertain/index.html
A Cox victory is the final indignity for California GOP
Republican leaders were hoping a candidate named Cox might create some buzz in the November election. He did. Unfortunately for the GOP, it was the wrong Cox.
Democrats had already achieved a blowout in California congressional races by the time T. J. Cox secured a come-from-behind victory last week in the Central Valley 21st district, defeating Republican incumbent David Valadao.
But Cox provided an exclamation point for just how stunning the election was. Democrats won in seven Republican districts in California and picked up 40 seats nationwide — the party’s biggest gain since the Watergate era in the mid-1970s and more than enough to win the House majority.
Republicans will now hold just seven of California’s 53 House seats. That sounds bad on its face, but historical context shows just how bleak things are for the state GOP delegation.
https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/columnists/michael-smolens/sd-me-smolens-california-election-20181202-story.html
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