June 24, 2015

"I helped put Louisiana where she is today!" . . . Please come CAPTION Bobby Jindal!!!!!

Bobby ("The capitol of my state is wherever I want to be at any given moment.&quot Jindal is saying: "Listen: I don't believe in evolution or climate science, just like I don't believe that women want equal pay or that blacks are discriminated against. These things just aren't feasible. . . . Whereas I do believe in exorcisms, the sanctity of human sperm, voodoo economics, and the apocalypse. . . . These things are logical and credible . . . . Just like my chances of becoming President of the United States!"

June 24, 2015

Clean thinker, monument builder, white protector . . . Please come CAPTION Bill Dorris of Nashville!

Bill ("Ya gotta think quick and deep to keep up with me!&quot Dorris is saying: "Well slavery was the first form of social security. . . . I mean, it was cradle-to-grave protection. . . . Hell, the white man had to feed them and keep them well and make sure they always had something to do. . . . From the slave's point of view, what could be better than that? . . . Makes you wonder who owes who reparations, don't it?"



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Above CAPTION (which is accurate for the first two sentences believe it or not), is based on the following Crooks&Liars clip:

http://crooksandliars.com/2015/06/tennessee-business-owner-slavery-was-first

June 24, 2015

"There's never enough me to go around." . . .Please come CAPTION Bill O'Reilly and Kirsten Powers!!!

Bill ("Trump is a lot like me: humble, thoughtful, and considerate.&quot O'Reilly is saying: "Just how is it racist to support voter-ID laws, to attack welfare mothers and hip-hop wanta be's, to question the values of rap and the inner-city? Just how is it racist to support a flag that stands for Southern gentlemen being able to do whatever they want to with their property, and the hell with the federal government!!! . . . How is it racist to deny white privilege? . . . And just how is it racist to allow magistrates to exercise their religious convictions and refuse to marry gay or inter-racial couples? . . . . Tell, me Kirsten, 'cause I wanta know!!! . . I REALLY do!!!!"

Kirsten ("Don't point that thing at me, buster.&quot Powers is saying: "Have you ever actually listened to yourself???"


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Above CAPTION based on the following NewsHounds story:

http://www.newshounds.us/an_epic_clash_between_o_reilly_and_kirsten_powers_on_race_062315

June 23, 2015

"Now, we'll get to the bottom of this!" . . . Please come CAPTION Trey Gowdy!!!!

Trey ("The dark side of honesty&quot Gowdy is saying: "So it seems that Blumenthal was working with Media Matters to discredit all investigations into the Benghazi matter, and to make a mockery of this committee,. . . . often by using our very own words to indict us!!! . . . . Not jumping to any conclusions, Chris, but that's enough for me to clearly see that Secretary Clinton intentionally sacrificed our own ambassador, and by her own admission, a friend, as well as the lives of three others for sheer political gain. . . . I know, I know. . . . It's getting really, really hard to believe! . . . But there it is."



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Above CAPTION loosely based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2015/06/22/brock-whats-behind-the-house-select-committee-o/204088

June 22, 2015

America's Favorite After-Dinner Turd. . . . Please come CAPTION Sherrif Joe Arpaio!!!!

Joe ("Keep your hands out of your pockets!&quot Arpaio is saying: "What in the hell do they want anyway. . . To keep them safe, I was ordering 1,500 volunteers with semiautomatics and bullet proof vests (helmets with visors were even preferred), to stand inside of every black church service in the state this Sunday . . . Hell, I was even making sure my guys had multiple fifty-round clips! . . . . And you know what the black pastors told me? . . . Would you believe it? . . . They said it sounded racist, like all the parishioners would be under my power. . . . Racist???? . . . Geez. . . These are really simple people!"

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Above CAPTION based on the following Crooks & Liars story:

http://crooksandliars.com/2015/06/arizona-black-churches-say-no-arpaios

June 22, 2015

"Obama made me close down the government. Period." Please come CAPTION Ted Cruz!!!!!

Ted (Political suicide? . . . Hell, I'm just doing what seems right.&quot Cruz is saying: "Finally, let me give a great piece of advice to the young officers out there who may wish to go into politics someday. . . . Watch out how the public sees you! . . . Don't allow foolish photos of you made. . . . Don't pick your nose in public . . . And if you do, don't eat it! . . . Remember, you'll be responsible for context as well as message."

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Above CAPTION based simply on the photo. Huffington Post has story here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/22/pistol-ted-cruz-associated-press-photo_n_7635808.html

June 22, 2015

"You say 'tomato' and I say 'tornado.'" . . . Please come CAPTION Steve Doocy!!!

Steve Doocy is saying: "Well, I for one think it's ludicrous that Kurtis Cook lost his job as a firefighter just cause he posted that Dylann Roof did a good job when he mowed down that Bible study group in Charleston. . . . For one, what happened to free speech in this country? . . . And for two, that wasn't a racist statement. . . . Not at all. . . . I'm sure he'd be almost as glad if a black man had done the job. . . . Tell me, Barbara, where am I going wrong?"


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Above CAPTION based on nothing except what Doocy might like to have said in the wake of Cook's firing, covered in Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/21/kurtis-cook-dylann-roof_n_7633358.html

June 21, 2015

Ol' Dixie! . . . Please come CAPTION former Dukes of Hazard star Ben Jones!!!

Ben ("George W. Bush is my favorite philosopher!&quot Jones is staying, "Listen Steve, the Southern flag doesn't stand for slavery. Naw, far from it. . . . It's about heritage! . . . It stands for the sacred ideals that drove our grandfathers to leave the union. Ideals like a gentleman being able to keep his own property and travel with it wherever he wanted to go. . . . Ideals like people ought to be able to do anything with their own property they want to, without big government telling them they can't . . . . It's about keeping white women safe and human pollution at bay. . . . Frankly, Steve, anyone who says it is about slavery is either uninformed or an ideologue!"


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Above CAPTION based on the following MSNBC clip posted on Crooks & Liars:

http://crooksandliars.com/2015/06/msnbc-brings-back-former-dukes-hazzard

June 20, 2015

"Going ballistic is business as usual." . . . Please come CAPTION NRA's Charles L. Cotton!!!

NRA board member Charles ("Wanta finger my safety?&quot Cotton just finished saying: "The blame for the Charleston shootings goes directly to the pastor who was on record legislatively for greater background checks and against concealed carry permits! . . . There'd be six or seven more people alive today if Reverend Clementa Pinckney had been packing some serious heat, or if he would have allowed others in the study group to carry some solid hardware. . . . Hell, this Roof kid was just pointing this out to us. . . . What say we give him a metal? . . . Besides, that musta been some danged fine shooting!"


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Above CAPTION based on the following The Slatest story:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2015/06/19/nra_board_member_charles_l_cotton_blames_rev_clementa_pinckney_for_charleston.html

June 19, 2015

"Obfuscation is my business!" . . . Please come CAPTION Fox's Greg Gutfeld!!!

Greg ("I'm still my school's favorite class clown twenty years after graduation. How about that?&quot Gutfeld is saying: "Listen, with his radical anti-Capitalist (dare I say it?) Communist rhetoric on climate change and man's use of petroleum products, Pope Francis is more dangerous than Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin, Ghenghis the Hun, Malaria, Ebola, and Satan put together. . . . How is that overstating the case?, I'd like to know."

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Above CAPTION based on the following Huffington Post story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/18/greg-gutfeld-pope-francis_n_7616156.html