https://www.theonion.com/depressed-groundhog-sees-shadow-of-rodent-he-once-was-1819574495



PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—According to sources, clinically depressed groundhog and weather prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil awoke from his slumber this early morning, peered directly into his soul, and saw but a mere pathetic shadow of the rodent he once was. “My God, is this who I am now? Is this what I’ve become?” the melancholy animal told reporters, staring hopelessly out onto the pale morning light outside his pen. “There was a time when my world was spring eternal, bright and without gloom. But that was a lifetime ago, I’m afraid.” The downcast rodent then sighed, lifted himself from his urine-soaked confines, and mustered the strength to perform his “little song and dance” for excited locals.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/automatic-weapons-nra-gun-control-kentucky_n_5e36477ac5b6f262332a9f38

They were gun rights activists proving they have a right to terrify people. Twitter critics went ballistic.



Men in balaclavas packing semi-automatic rifles and wearing camouflage, bulletproof vests and combat boots marched into the Kentucky Capitol in Frankfort on Friday, driving out terrified visitors.

The men were gun rights activists and members of the group We Are KY Gun Owners, staging a Second Amendment rally proving they have a right to appear to be a paramilitary operation in the open-carry state. They were allowed by security to step around the Capitol’s metal detectors.

“We can’t just whittle away one little piece here, one little piece there,” Calen Studler told the Louisville Courier Journal, referring to gun rights. “Then the [Constitution] doesn’t mean what it says anymore.”

Twitter critics, wondering how America would react if the men were Muslim, responded as expected:
https://twitter.com/mattdpearce/status/1223611707924328448