July 16, 2013

And I just blew my stack at an old friend about the Zimmerman case.

My old friend is a Libertarian. He was a "Reagan Republican" but recovered during the Bush years (who he hated). He is an equal opportunity politician hater, if you know the type. He is a good guy, and he delights in intellectual arguments. We've clashed before -- we do NOT discuss guns -- and we've been on the same side about a lot of other stuff, with abortion and gay rights being top on the list.

Today he posted an idiotic facebook thing about "Trayvon Martin" versus "Marley Lion": both 17 year old teens killed while engaging in innocent activity by opposite race men.

Trayvon is black. Marley is white.

The facebook thing stated Marley didn't get any press coverage, and asked "what's the difference?" with the clear implication race was the issue. My old friend then followed up the discussion with comments about how liberals weren't outraged over Marley, and MSNBC talking heads didn't cry, and how the President didn't talk about Marley (while he talked about Trayvon).

And I blew my stack BIG TIME.

I found two articles without even trying (blunt lie about no media coverage right off the bat) about how the police were actively pursing the murder of Marley (as opposed to treating Trayvon like he deserved it) and posted this

http://www.abcnews4.com/story/18829994/he-was-a
"Chief Mullen said that while they know Lion was at a house party earlier in the night and apparently drinking, that is not their focus as of now. He says they are doing everything they can in the police agency to solve the murder of the recent Academic Magnet graduate and bring the shooter to justice."

and pointed out the DIFFERENCE in reaction to the black boy ("deserved it" and Zimmerman hailed as a hero to some) while the white boy had police wanting to "bring the shooter to justice".

I got madder, especially after I found this:

http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/TheBattery/archives/2012/07/31/four-arrested-in-marley-lion-murder
"Charleston police have arrested four people in connection with the June 16 shooting of 17-year-old Marley Lion in a West Ashley parking lot. The arrests came Monday after a six-week investigation that involved surveillance video enhancement from the Secret Service and an undercover gun-buying operation with help from the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives."

I told my old friend if he didn't understand the difference in the two cases, he was part of the problem. That it was PURE RACISM, and his little picture trying to pretend the two were the same was insulting as all hell. And I told him to back off.

We were both typing so quickly, we probably didn't even have time to respond to each other before the next comment was made. He really felt the two were the same, and then he said Trayvon was a criminal when he started bashing Zimmerman's head into the cement, and I said I believed Zimmerman had the gun out already, which meant Trayvon was defending himself, which is what DECENT people believe, and I wasn't going to tolerate RACISM on my page.

For the record, my old friend has NEVER displayed a racist temperament EVER. For him, I really think he was just indulging in an intellectual exercise, and not understanding just how much of a BEYOND push button issue this is for me. Plus, Zimmerman was found "not guilty" so Trayvon must have deserved it, right?

I'm white. I am so freaking white, I practically glow in the dark. But I have a "mixed" nephew who is 15 years old, and a "mixed" niece who is 8, and I love them, and if Zimmerman had killed one of them, the trial would be mine because I would kill that son-of-a-bitch in a heart beat, and then dance on his blood splattered body while cursing his name to the heavens.

And yes, I know that isn't a nice thing to say, and I pray for the love of all that is holy I *NEVER* have to deal with this type of a situation, but you kill a kid - MY KID - and you god damned DESERVE the crazy.

Trayvon could have been my family member. I am still in mourning about this. Hell, I am still in mourning for a list of children this country seems to have mostly forgotten who went to kindergarten one morning, and never came home because they were in body bags by the end of the day, but that perpetrator is dead. Trayvon's killer is still at large, and this MATTERS because he wasn't the first, and he isn't even the last.

Something has to change.

As a society, we have made a bargain: I give up my right to a blood feud, and my community ensures justice on behalf of me and my loved ones. I am not as strong as a man - it is a reality - and I am not a violent person (despite the imagery I invoke in hyperbole). If I had to kill the meat I eat, I would be a vegetarian; yes, I know it is hypocritical, but welcome to my world. I have to trust the system.

When the system fails, it has to be fixed.

Pretending a dead white boy whose killers will be sent to jail is the same as a dead black boy whose killer is being hailed as a hero are the same thing -- it offends my sense of honor because it is a lie.

They were both boys. Neither should be dead. Both should have justice.

And it shouldn't happen to another child.

But we all know it will.

July 9, 2013

I call them my "Moses Moments."

The times when I feel completely overwhelmed, frustrated, ineffectual, and whiny.

"Why me, God?" (Yes, I believe in an entity bigger than myself who has an amused awareness of A Grand Plan, and I don't want to argue about it on this thread.)

"Why ME?"

(Yes, God gets a lot of my whinier moments. If you want perfect, this isn't the thread for you.)

"Couldn't you have picked someone better qualified for this?"

(Sometimes I feel like an idiot who just likes to bang her head against a wall in a very ineffectual manner.)

"I am VERY BUSY - I am OVERWHELMED - I don't know how to climb this unclimbable mountain to complete this IMPOSSIBLE task!"

(Apparently I believe God needs to be lectured sometimes, because God needs things like this explained.)

"What were You thinking when You plopped this situation into my lap? I am not rich, I am not powerful, I am NOBODY in the grand scheme of things, and I think maybe You Screwed Up when You decided I could handle this! I mean, do You just ENJOY watching me jump through hoops? Is that it? Is watching me FAIL at something this important just some kind of character building exercise?"

(I do not always think God understands just how challenging my life is sometimes; I am not always convinced "omniscient" applies when it comes to my life.)

"I am doing the best I can - or really close to my best - oh, God, I think this IS my best, and I am SCREWING IT ALL UP! I don't know what to do! AAARRRGGGHHH!"

"Help, please."

I have "Moses Moments" on a regular basis with a wide variety of topics: my parenting, my spousing, my job, my volunteer work - you name it, and I have whined about it. Frankly, I am sometimes unsure of how I manage to stumble through a day sometimes, but honestly, I have been blessed with so much in the way of opportunities and choices, I am simply in awe of how amazingly lucky I am. My children are healthy, my husband is loving, my job is interesting, my volunteer work is rewarding, I have food, shelter, a running vehicle, and education.

Seriously, I still whine, even though I don't have a lot of "real" problems to whine about.

It is kind of embarrassing.

Ramadan begins soon; I will be fasting for thirty days while working to keep "an attitude of gratitude" for the many good things I have in my life. I will be feeling hunger as I drive by restaurants and grocery stores filled with an abundance of food, feeling thirsty in buildings where clean water comes from a tap, and spending time with people I love and care about daily.

I will also be whining because this year's "sunrise to sunset" fasting means getting up for breakfast at 4:00 am and eating supper after 9:00 pm which is going to be a very long, challenging thirty days.

It is going to be HARD, and I am not sure I can do it. It is summertime, and it gets hot out there. Plus I *hate* getting up early. And besides....

I warned you this thread wasn't full of me being perfect. I will be praying my favorite prayer a lot:

"Help, please."