shame

On Magnolia near SSJ, I heard - no, felt - a thud. It was late, after 10 pm. I pulled over, got out, looked back, saw nothing.

Heard meows.

Went and knocked on a door. Called police to come and get her. They said no: cats aren't road hazards.

Went back to my car.

Heard meows.

Drove away.

I was 18.

Cross-posted Lounge

shame

On Magnolia near SSJ, I heard - no, felt - a thud. It was late, after 10 pm. I pulled over, got out, looked back, saw nothing.

Heard meows.

Went and knocked on a door. Called police to come and get her. They said no: cats aren't road hazards.

Went back to my car.

Heard meows.

Drove away.

I was 18.

Cross-posted Mental Health Support

watching a Netflix documentary on flat-Earthers

It's called Behind the Curve.

My sputtering responses (in my head) to a lot of what the interviewees said:

"Wha-- . . . " or "How do y-- . . . " etc.

I want to ask every last one of them, "aren't you tired?" - because maintaining a belief a stupid as "the earth is flat" has got to be exhausting.

Have you seen this film?

Do you know any flat-Earthers? Ever got into a discussion with a stranger of flat Earth v. globe* Earth?

One guy being interviewed is wearing a t-shirt that reads:

LOVE + TRUTH
=
FLAT EARTH

Is this a hack? Malicious apps? In any case . . .

. . . how do I get rid of them?

This weather app appeared one day, and along with it several other apps. None of them allowed uninstallation. What can I do? This thing wants to lead me down a path of evil and darkness, I just know it. . . .

What can I do?!

https://postimg.cc/gallery/ZRfdQxQ

https://postimg.cc/gallery/KFHcyQS

Know what's weird about death?

If you're conscious and aware that you're dying, you won't know that you're dead when you die.* There won't be any -

Huh. I'm dead.



Thoughts?

*That is, in my way of thinking about death. YMMV

Canyon Ridge Hospital - my [first] Yelp review

I spent six days at CRH, and was discharged on Monday, September 6. I admitted myself voluntarily,** as I have some severe trauma to work through and needed a safe place in which to do it.

I gave two stars only because some of the staffers were outstanding. They are in the right profession.

I do not recommend this psych hospital for anyone. I could tell you of specific experiences, and may yet, in an additional review. Suffice, for now, to say that I saw some patients treated cruelly (emotionally); I had innocuous personal items withheld, as did everyone;* I saw patients locked out of their rooms during the day, one result being that they had to ask permission to use a locked bathroom (so much for trying to retain some dignity); rules - which vary from staffer to staffer - are applied arbitrarily; the only fresh air available was taken on a walled square of concrete - and that air was usually thick with cigarette smoke; and the only exercise provided was the walk to and from the cafeteria.

I could go on, and will another time.

* Example: my deodorant. I was told by another patient that it was withheld because it has alcohol in it. First: I don't know if that's the reason. Second: it does not contain alcohol. Third: who drinks deodorant for alcohol?

** Redundant, I know. Can't figure out how to edit a post on Yelp, if it's even possible.

Was discharged from Canyon Ridge Hospital on Monday night.

I was there for a week.

https://canyonridgehospital.com/

https://www.yelp.com/biz/canyon-ridge-hospital-chino (Haven't posted my review yet.)

Word of advice: do not recommend Canyon Ridge Hospital in Chino, CA to anyone. Mine wasn't a good experience. In the days to come, I'll tell you about it, if you'd care to read. I'll write about it anyway, to help get it out of my system.

Best part was the food.

Edit:
A one-star Yelp review contains this plaint: "I left a PTSD group for triggering my PTSD." I didn't experience this, but I'm not surprised at all. It's typical of my overall experience.

checking myself in today

I'm checking myself into the psych hospital today. I need a safe place. Too hard to contain any longer the trauma of giving up my cats five years ago, and how I had to do it.

Cats? Pathetic. But I can't dismiss as pathetic something that's killing me.

I was in a psych hospital 35 years ago, at age 23. I expect some things to be different, but I wish I knew what those would be.

I'm nervous, scared, excited, anxious, apprehensive, terrified.

I want one specific thing to happen there today. I desperately want to be given a private room. My time there will be a lot easier if I don't have to contend with a stranger in close quarters. Trying not to get my hopes up, though.

I wonder: as in 1986, will they take away my belt and shoelaces? . . . pfft. Of course they will.

I need a good and *free* password manager - not a "free preview" offer. Can you help?

I don't know where to start, and I have a lot of other research to do tonight and tomorrow. I'll appreciate any suggestions you can make. If there are any big red flags, I hope folks will pile on so I don't miss them, heh.

I'll be on most of the night. Thanks for your help.