DOONESBURY & Non Sequitur

Sunday Funnies 7/31/22 Plus Doonesbury

DOONESBURY

Had the same car for 13 years, among other things

Now you know why

Ever wonder why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies", and "Pampers', while
undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper' em.

When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!

Sunday Funnies 7/24/22 Plus Doonesbury

DOONESBURY

Edit, added

Think you're cool?

Obama is guilty .... "Obamagate"

Received a disturbing ransomware email

No he doesn't have video of me, not concerned about that at all, but how in the hell did he get my 12 digit
password and what should I do? Here it is......

Hey --------@ruraltel.net,

I have to share bad news with you.

Approximately few months ago I have gained access to your devices, which you use for internet browsing.
After that, I have started tracking your internet activities.
Some time ago I hacked you and got access to your email accounts --------@ruraltel.net .
Obviously, I have easily hack to log in to your email.

Your password: ------------

One week later, I have already installed Trojan virus to Operating Systems of all the devices that you use to access your email.
In fact, it was not really hard at all (since you were following the links from your inbox emails).
All ingenious is simple. =)
This software provides me with access to all the controllers of your devices (e.g., your microphone, video camera and keyboard).
I have downloaded all your information, data, photos, web browsing history to my servers.
I have access to all your messengers, social networks, emails, chat history and contacts list.
My virus continuously refreshes the signatures (it is driver-based), and hence remains invisible for antivirus software.

Likewise, I guess by now you understand why I have stayed undetected until this letter...

While gathering information about you, I have discovered that you are a big fan of adult websites.
You really love visiting porn websites and watching exciting videos, while enduring an enormous amount of pleasure.
Well, I have managed to record a number of your dirty scenes and montaged a few videos, which show the way you masturbate and reach orgasms.

If you have doubts, I can make a few clicks of my mouse and all your videos will be shared to your friends, colleagues and relatives.
I have also no issue at all to make them available for public access.
I guess, you really don't want that to happen, considering the specificity of the videos you like to watch, (you perfectly know what I mean) it will cause a true catastrophe for you.

Let's settle it this way:
You transfer $400 USD to me (in bitcoin equivalent according to the exchange rate at the moment of funds transfer), and once the transfer is received, I will delete all this dirty stuff right away.
After that we will forget about each other. I also promise to deactivate and delete all the harmful software from your devices. Trust me, I keep my word.

This is a fair deal and the price is quite low, considering that I have been checking out your profile and traffic for some time by now.
In case, if you don't know how to purchase and transfer the bitcoins - you can use any modern search engine.

Here is my bitcoin wallet: bc1qd0gu4ekg36x524lwspsnh8v95uvjpsj5y88c4v

Things you need to avoid from doing:
*Do not reply me (I have created this email inside your inbox and generated the return address).
*Do not try to contact police and other security services. In addition, forget about telling this to you friends. If I discover that (as you can see, it is really not so hard, considering that I control all your systems) - your video will be shared to public right away.
*Don't try to find me - it is absolutely pointless. All the cryptocurrency transactions are anonymous.
*Don't try to reinstall the OS on your devices or throw them away. It is pointless as well, since all the videos have already been saved at remote servers.

Things you don't need to worry about:
*That I won't be able to receive your funds transfer.
- Don't worry, I will see it right away, once you complete the transfer, since I continuously track all your activities (my trojan virus has got a remote-control feature, something like TeamViewer).
*That I will share your videos anyway after you complete the funds transfer.
- Trust me, I have no point to continue creating troubles in your life. If I really wanted that, I would do it long time ago!

Everything will be done in a fair manner!

One more thing... Don't get caught in similar kind of situations anymore in future!
My advice - keep changing all your passwords on a frequent basis


My computer doesn't have a microphone or video camera, do I need to completely reinstall original software?
Virus detection that comes with Windows 10 says everything is OK. If this hacker was able to get my password
has he learned my credit card number from buying stuff online? Any advice would be helpful.
I'm currently using Firefox for browser & Thunderbird for email.

THANKS in advance.

One simple rule/law that should reduce future mass shootings

Several States have red flag laws but most require a Judge's ruling that an individual might be a threat
to himself or others. After too many mass shootings it seems like we hear from someone in law enforcement
who claims they always felt like that certain person had the potential to be a killer.

So think about it, City Police & Deputies are out on the street every day dealing with people who get into
trouble for whatever reason, they have a better idea who has anger & revenge issues or simply
"loose screws" than anyone in their community.

So my idea for a new rule/law would be that whenever someone goes into a gun store to purchase a gun,
especially a semi-automatic rifle which accepts large magazines (AR-15 AK-47), buyer has to prove current
address and gun shop owner has to inform his address's local Police & Sheriff's departments so they both
can sign off that this person appears OK or not OK. And give them 7/14 days to reply to the gun shop.
We now have a automatic 7/14 day waiting period.

Plus law enforcement wants to see fewer AR-15 style weapons on the street not more, so let's give
them some say-so in the matter. My gut feeling is most Americans would support such a rule/law, plus
we'll have Rs on record as being "Pro Mass Shooter" because the NRA will automatically be against it.

Pastor's Donkey

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!

You'll be a lot happier and live longer!