General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: When should a domestic abuser be fired from work? [View all]nadine_mn
(3,702 posts)A black eye in order to be abused. "Beating" ignores financial, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse which can often be more devastating than a broken bone.
I have been an advocate for domestic violence victims for 2 decades and have worked with 100's of victims of ALL genders (another reason we don't call it "wife" beating) raging in ages from small children to elders in their 90's...every single one without fail has said that the physical abuse didn't hurt nearly as much as the emotional and psychological abuse.
And it always starts with verbal and psychological abuse, before it gets physical. Some abusers are experts at not leaving bruises, and are skilled at terrifying their victims with just a glance.
The domestic violence movement has worked hard to educate the population that violence doesn't have to leave a bruise. What you are suggesting would set the movement back...again making victims believe they have to have physical injuries in order to be victims. Men can be victims from women or other men, and you don't have to be married. Laws have been changed by the fierce work fo advocates over the years to protect all genders, to recognize domestic means family, marital, dating, and in some states roommates, and to protect against MULTIPLE forms of violence.
Saying let's just call it "wife beating" erases all of that.
Women aren't "tempted" to return to their abusers: they are fearful, they are bullied (by church, by family, by police), they have limited options, and yes..oftentimes they love their abuser...because an abuser isn't always abusive. The "honeymoon" period is called that for a reason, it's called a cycle of violence for a reason.
Abusers CAN control themselves...it's all about Power and Control. They never hit someone they don't have control over, and brace yourself..6'4 men have been victims of domestic violence.
Educate yourself on the dynamics of abuse and the work that has been done. You are the one minimizing it.