Trump goes to London pt. 2: Faux Pas Edition [View all]

[Generic Other]

Trump starts the day off by rage tweeting that the Mayor of London is a short, “stone cold loser,” and “nasty” like Meghan Markle after he sees the Baby Blimp floating over Big Ben as Air Force One taxis to a landing.


Melania slithers out of Air Force One wearing her $4000.00 “Grab her by the pussy bow” blouse in the colors of the Union Jack.


Prince Andrew the Duke of York is brought in to “handle” Ivanka, but finds her a bit old for his taste. He and Trump talk about their mutual friend convicted multimillionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. “Good times,” says the Duke of York.


Ivanka tries to find the throne but is disappointed to learn that the Queen had the room locked in advance, so she is left peering out of the window on the balcony at Buckingham Palace green with envy (or is that dirty money?).


The Queen shows Trump some charred artifacts from when the British burned down the White House in 1812, then shows him his gift to her when he last visited, asking him if he recognizes it. “Oh, that’s ‘Underage Girl,’ the horse Roy Moore gave me when I stumped for him on his failed Senate bid in Alabama.”


She wonders if anyone notices she has worn an old Dolce and Gabbana knockoff of a dress Diana used to wear, her third wardrobe change of the day, and it’s only noonish. Melania admires the Queen’s drapes and mentally reminds herself to buy a matching dress when she returns to Washington DC.

Her Majesty presents Trump with a book written by Winston Churchill filled with words that Trump can’t read.

Harry looks ready to bolt. As soon as no one is looking, Prince Harry ducks out the side door, sneaks through the kitchens and out the back garden to make a quick escape. Meghan is waiting for him at home with a pot of tea and a hug.



As evening approaches, images of a hat bearing the name of the USS John McCain are projected on Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, and ones comparing Trump’s popularity with Obama on the Tower of London.

More to come…