Mother's Day 2022 - A Sermon [View all]

[Pacifist Patriot]

As promised, here is the sermon I'll be delivering this morning at a local UU congregation.

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Mother’s Day is a difficult Sunday for me in the pulpit for several reasons. As a mother of three I feel a little self-conscious patting myself on the back with a typical Mother’s Day sermon praising mothers. It seems a little self-serving. I am much more comfortable extolling the virtues of fathers come June.

I am also intimately familiar with the emotional roller coaster of infertility and sub-fertility. Too many of my friends and family would dearly love to become mothers but their own bodies simply won’t cooperate with their desire. I also sympathize greatly with people whose mothers are ailing or have died. This day can be a raw reminder of their mother’s pain or her absence. I feel great compassion for children, both young and adult, who did not experience a safe and nurturing environment with their own mother. The thought of all the mothers who no longer have a child to hold safe in their arms either because of death or estrangement breaks my heart. I am so worried about the people who are hurting on this day I find it hard to get into the spirit of honor and celebration. Just this week I encountered a story online about a school that chose to celebrate “The Adults Who Love Us Day” instead of Mother’s Day. I quite like the inclusivity of that.

I had intended to deliver a light little happy homily extolling the virtues of motherhood today. Maybe I could come up with something that combined a little Mother Teresa with a bit of Erma Bombeck and leave everyone feeling all warm and fuzzy and ready to go hug every mother they could find today. That was the intention anyway. But there are times when events tell a minister, “Wait a minute, don’t be so hasty there!”

I would be leaving a rather large elephant in the room if I did not address the leaked ruling that slammed into American souls this week. I’m using seemingly hyperbolic language on purpose. The news brought many of us to literal tears. It truly did feel like a gut punch. I’m currently the HR Director for a national organization that is 88% female with an average age of 36. I’m proud our leadership has pledged to cover the costs for any employee needing to travel to another state to receive the health care she needs; I’m distressed we’re even in the position of having to consider our options in this regard. I met with one of our employees on Friday whose anxiety was so profound she was shaking, and her breathing was such that she could barely speak. This decision has huge implications for our collective society and a direct impact on millions of individual women.

I realize this is a difficult topic. I understand that some of you may find this inappropriate to address on Mother’s Day. What I feel called to say might make some uncomfortable. But that’s okay. We’re UUs. We agree to disagree and that is what makes us stronger as a faith community, not weaker. I am called to speak about abortion today because the leaked Supreme Court ruling is not just an assault on our freedoms as American, it offends our foundational principles as UUs which include the inherent worth and dignity of every person and the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process. It is also not lost on me that the Unitarians and Universalists were heretical sects of Christianity, and the Greek root of the word heresy means choice.

I’m a woman of childbearing years, hanging onto that by a thread, but still, it’s within the realm of possibility. While I have never found myself in a situation where I had to decide whether to terminate a pregnancy, were I to get pregnant now I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. Though that’s unlikely because my husband availed himself of an unregulated procedure to do his part to uphold our family plan that did not include a fourth child.

My husband was a little uncomfortable with me being this blunt in a sermon, but I feel compelled to be completely transparent. I am not in any physical condition to carry a child to term and then raise it for the next 18 years. I’m riddled with arthritis. I’m already concerned I won’t have the physical ability to hold my grandchildren should that day ever come. However unlikely I would have to make such a decision, and however uncomfortable it might make people to hear it stated so boldly, if I were to become pregnant now, I would terminate the pregnancy. I have no doubt about that at all.

I have held a young woman’s hand while she had a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) to terminate a pregnancy that was the result of a rape. I have held a woman in my arms who had just been told a D&X (Dilation and Extraction) was the best option to save her life and her reproductive health because the baby she so desperately wanted was hydrocephalus with additional problems as well. The baby was not viable, and her health was in serious jeopardy. I have given money to a teenager who wanted the morning after pill because she and her boyfriend got carried away without taking the necessary precautions.

This is personal. Deeply personal.

But it is also alarming to me on a grander scale. In 2018 there were approximately 72.7 million women of reproductive age in the United States with that number climbing. The religious and political ideology of a powerful few is stripping a quarter of our population of fundamental civil and human rights. It’s undemocratic and frightening. If this leaked ruling is made official, as it seems by all indications it will be, our society will grant more bodily autonomy to a corpse than to women.

The state cannot force me to donate blood, bone marrow, or an organ to save anyone else’s life. Even when donating blood is a relatively simple minimally intrusive procedure. Medical students cannot dissect a cadaver and surgeons cannot harvest organs without the person’s express permission when they were alive. It doesn’t matter if it would save the life of a chronically ill child with their whole life before them or a Nobel prize winning oncologist who might find a cure for cancer. They can’t do it.

But they want to force women to give birth. We’re seeing disgusting legislation at the state level throughout the country that is stripping exemptions from women who are pregnant through rape or incest or whose lives would be at risk if they carried a fetus to term. This isn’t treating women as full citizens or human beings. This is treating them as mere vessels – disposable ones at that. If you have any doubts on that front, consider the phrase in the ruling that lends justification to the decision by referring to the lack of domestic infants available for adoption these days. That is the premise of Margaret Atwood’s “The Handmaid’s Tale” and should horrify everyone.

We can dispense with the fiction this is about the sanctity of life. If that were true, our public servants would be banning assault rifles and passing universal healthcare. We also know it has nothing to do with the sanctity of life because in societies that outlaw abortion, women die. They die because of botched illegal procedures, complications from a high-risk pregnancy, and what often goes unspoken and therefore unacknowledged - suicide.

Gynoticians – politicians who feel more qualified than women and their doctors to make personal healthcare decisions – are using horrifically bad science and unconscionable jurisprudence to justify their position. And they are willing to trample our first and fourteenth amendment rights to do it. The folks sounding the alarm bells that this is not just a slippery slope, but the beginning of an avalanche of civil rights losses are not wrong. While some people oppose a woman’s right to choose for non-religious reasons, let’s be completely honest about what is happening here. A minority religious doctrine is being imposed on an entire nation. Why would we assume the encroachment on our first amendment rights would end here once they get a taste of success?

Getting back to forced birth laws becoming more and more draconian across the country, I agree there should be no exemptions for rape, incest, or the life of the woman. But I hold that stance because no exceptions should be needed at all since it is absolutely no one’s business, especially the state’s, why a woman wishes to terminate her pregnancy. I believe firmly there should be no more laws regulating abortion than there are regulating appendectomies and vasectomies – in other words the procedure requires a licensed professional and that’s it.

And yes, I do mean the law should be absolutely silent when it comes to any type of abortion - chemical, D&C, or D&X. The inflammatory language from certain quarters that refer to a D&X as a partial birth abortion are legislating against owning a unicorn – much like the ridiculous legislation seeking to eradicate critical race theory from elementary schools where it isn’t taught anyway, never has been, and never would be.

Women do not get a D&X simply because they changed their mind about having a baby. And medical practitioners do not perform this procedure without very good reason. It’s incredibly rare and devastating to the women and their families. D&X is not alternative birth control. It’s a lifesaving procedure full stop.

I also loathe exceptions because they do at least two insidious things. First, they highlight the illogic in many arguments for banning abortion because if it is okay to abort an embryo or fetus in some circumstances how can it be immoral in others? It’s not like justifiable homicide where the actions of the other person make taking their life judicially acceptable. Think self-defense against a home invader for example. Whether a woman was raped or had consensual sex, the moral standing of the embryo or fetus remains the same.

Second, exceptions in and of themselves violate a woman’s right to privacy and bodily autonomy. It is absolutely no one else’s business why a woman wants to terminate a pregnancy. None. Not mine, not yours, and certainly not the state’s. There is no moral superiority for terminating a pregnancy because a woman was raped instead of terminating a pregnancy because she is poor, or young, or in an abusive relationship, or just doesn’t feel ready to be a mother or want to be a mother again.

If you’re against abortion, it’s easy not to have one. If a woman seeks your opinion, feel free to share with her. But being against abortion, even finding it morally repugnant, doesn’t give anyone the right to deprive women of their status as citizens and human beings with full agency and autonomy. It is anathema to our principles as UUs.

One of the virtues of motherhood and mothering mentioned most often is self-sacrifice, which is essential because without it, the embryo, fetus, and then human infant cannot survive. Women turn over their bodies to what is essentially a parasite for 10 months with no guarantee of a healthy baby at the end. I’m using a technical term here, not an inflammatory one. The human fetus and placenta have a different genotype from the mother. The fetus acts in a parasitic way: it avoids rejection by the mother and exerts considerable influence over her metabolism for its own benefit, in particular diverting blood and nutrients. This is a sacrifice and sacrifices are meaningless unless they are made willingly.

In a lecture, Prof. G. Shah said, “Mother’s time with children, guided by wisdom and properly utilized, lays the proper foundations for nation building. A well-balanced individual with solid psychological foundations is the quality thread that goes into making the fabric of the nation.” Unwanted children start life with a severe disadvantage and if they remain in that environment, will not receive the nurturing they need to become emotionally and psychologically healthy adults.

Less often recognized as a key virtue of mothering is courage. Bringing a child into this world or accepting responsibility for raising a child is an act of tremendous courage. Perhaps even more so for women who had no intention of becoming a mother but screwed up the courage necessary to accept the responsibility – be that through childbirth, fostering, adoption, or step-parenting.

No mother is guaranteed a healthy child. Mother’s may dream and hope and pray, but no mother knows for certain her child will grow to become a happy and productive adult. We strive desperately to be good enough mothers so our children have the resources within themselves to cope with whatever life brings their way. We imagine a day when we’ll interact with our children as responsible and caring adults, but we don’t have any reassurance we will have a good relationship and become friends once the responsibilities of nurturing pass away.

I consider myself amazingly blessed to have three sons ages 18, 21, and 25 who seem like they have turned out okay and are phenomenal young men in their own gloriously diverse ways. I consider myself exceptionally lucky I’ll have all three of them under the same roof for a few weeks. I don’t take any time with them for granted.

Mothering is a leap of faith greater than any other. It requires living fully in a present that constantly holds tremendous implications for the future. It should be a decision made with deliberation and reverence. When you engage with a mother, praise her for her patience, her selflessness, and her dedication. But above all these you should respect her for her courage.

But you know what else takes courage? Making the decision not to be a mother. Especially so for women in households that hold strong religious beliefs against abortion. It is one thing to be called a murderer by zealots protesting in front of a Planned Parenthood clinic. It is quite another to be shamed as a murderer by the people you love most in your life.

Although it has been studied extensively and demonstrated time and time again that abortion does not cause psychological damage, lasting physical trauma, or adverse impact to fertility to the woman getting the abortion, terminating a pregnancy is still a huge decision for many women and should be respected as such. You know what does cause psychological damage, physical trauma, and the potential to affect future fertility? Being forced to give birth. The United Nations Office on Genocide Prevention enumerates crimes against humanity and includes forced pregnancy in that list of crimes.

Pregnant women should always be free to choose their fate unencumbered by the interference of individuals who are not impacted in any way whatsoever by her decision. She should be free to choose the path of her life with the support of her family if she decides to include them in her decision-making and the advice of her doctor. That’s it. That is the sum total of people who should be involved in a woman’s reproductive health choices in any way. And frankly, it can be as little as two - the woman and her doctor.

I invite you all today to consider how you can support mothers everywhere with the strength of your compassion. Motherhood is hard and it does take a village to raise a child. But let’s take that a step further and truly embrace the inherent worth and full dignity of every person - not just those who lack the capacity to bear a child. We can best honor mothers today by celebrating the choices they have made and working hard to make sure women continue to have the right to make decisions about their own bodies and consequently, their own life journey.

An abiding peace be with you.

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If you've read this far, I ask one favor of you. This is in the can so please do not make edit recommendations or remind me of other things I could have said as well. It is what it is.