General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Why the "My bad sex wasn't rape" editorial is so utterly, utterly vile. [View all]LiberalLoner
(9,761 posts)Never met anyone so obsessed with not wasting one crumb of food. Gristle, fat, you name it, he ate it. Experiences that are traumatic leave a mark.
It took me far too long to recognize what marks were left on me and how it influenced the choices I made. I played my role perfectly as a discardable sex toy, to be hurt and used and thrown away and looked down upon by the "decent women."
Felt like a lifetime of punishment. And the performance was never ever about my own pleasure. I have never achieved sexual satisfaction with a partner. Ever. I am too messed up by what happened to me, to be able to have the normal pleasurable response.
I want to be able to talk openly about these things because I keep hoping we can make it better for the young people coming after us.
I think if I talk publicly about my experiences, maybe some pedophile will decide not to molest that child. Maybe some proper person will judge a "loose girl" less harshly if they understand that being molested often leads to sexual acting out. Maybe someone reading this who was molested will find comfort in knowing they aren't alone. Maybe they will recognize their own sexual acting out and seek help or even just not judge themselves so harshly for it.
It hasn't been a very easy path for me and all I am asking for is that we all work to rollaway the boulders in the path for those coming behind us on the trail.
And no, when I chose to act as a sex toy, it wasn't rape. It was, for me, sort of bad sex I guess. But when I think about my early training, I am not sure it was about me being totally free and liberated either. And I read her article and wonder if her early training influenced her, too.
But none of this is in a vacuum. We live in a society where rape has largely been left unpunished and swept under the rug. Same with child rape. Things seem to be slowly changing for the better but many are still on the side of keeping the subject hidden from view, so that positive change can not happen.