A feminist issue - caregiving of elderly parents [View all]

[Nine]

I'm not going to link to any articles on this issue. There are plenty enough to be found if you look. Let me just say this is a story that gets played out time and time again: parents grow older and start needing care, and who provides this care? Almost always it's a daughter, not a son. That's not male-bashing, it's just a fact. It usually falls on one daughter who lives nearby, often the oldest daughter, and often unpaid or extremely underpaid. It happened in my family, although it fell on two of us daughters rather than just one of us.

It's a feminist issue because it seems to be taken for granted that this is a daughter's job, not a son's. It's also a feminist issue because it's not treated as "real" work that needs to be compensated. In fact, if the daughter ends up living with the parent(s), that room and board can be considered by other family members to be sufficient, even generous compensation.

I just wanted to give a PSA to others who may be facing this someday; don't let yourself fall into the role of caregiver to aging parents without looking out for yourself in the process. You may think you are being heroic, but you're just being a chump if you don't protect yourself. Don't assume your siblings will appreciate what you do and treat you fairly for it. Caregiving is a difficult, stressful job with long hours. Treat yourself the way you would want any worker in the country to be treated - that's assuming you even have siblings who could be sharing the burden.