General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Okay, no spanking. I get that but what's this dad suppose to do? [View all]dballance
(5,756 posts)Children don't get to "refuse" direction from their parents (yes, there will be exceptions if violence, abuse or harm is apparent).
The "refusal" of an 8-year-old to go to their room is unacceptable. My parents would have calmly picked me up, taken me to my room, left me there and closed the door. Actually, that's not true. If I had thrown a tantrum and refused to obey my parents my dad would have probably taken his belt to my behind. His "whooping" of me and my siblings was more symbolic than physically punitive. Yep, we'd get a few licks across our behinds. Never anything that was even remotely severe enough to leave a mark. Much less leave wounds a doctor would see days later.
There was nothing abusive about that at all. On the other hand, when I read the texts from Peterson that say "Im all tearing that butt up when needed!" I'm disgusted. Exactly when does a child's butt need "tearing up?" That small phrase says it all for me.
If a child can "refuse" to obey simple, non-violent, non-abusive direction like "Go to your room" there is a real problem with boundaries and parenting. Parents give direction to their children to protect them and ensure they have every opportunity to grow up into adults.
Once, I refused to believe my mother's direction that I should not touch that red-hot coil on the stove-top. I touched it anyway. It resulted in a nasty burn to my fingers. I learned a lesson. I learned that mother was more than often right when she directed me to do one thing or another. Not always, but most often.