NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The New England Patriots have found themselves at the epicenter of a new controversy amid a published report that they never bothered to steal the playbook of the New York Jets.

According to the report, the Patriots soundly defeated the Jets multiple times without access to any inside information about the New York team’s offense or defense.

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Responding to a reporter’s question on the matter, Belichick gave a typically terse response, saying only that he was unaware that the Jets had a playbook.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report