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Response to Hekate (Reply #51)

Sat Oct 1, 2016, 05:54 PM

55. I am SUPER lucky to have the guy I wound up with, Hekate! He passed my "condom test."

Okay, we're getting kinda personal here, but I would like to put this on the record, in case there are any younger women struggling with date/mate choices who might read this or someone here who did feels like it might be relevant to pass along.

He jumped more hurdles than just this one, but this one was KEY. Seems to me it tells a woman more - of the seriously significant things that really count - about a potential male partner than anything else. It's a challenge and a metaphor.

I didn't have that many lovers as a young woman. A few. But I put every one of them through "the condom test." I'd make that clear, at the point in the relationship where the activity or discussion started leaning toward sex. The deal was - I've learned I cannot handle "the Pill." My body and my mental equilibrium both go completely haywire. So if I was ever gonna have "fun", it would fall to my partner to handle this aspect of it. I was willing to explore pretty much any kind of "fun" but he'd have to provide the protection. If he was willing, as Hillary did during the debate, "WHOA! OKAY!" Shimmy-shimmy-shimmy-shimmy! If he wasn't, Buh-BYE. If he was willing, that told me he was far more likely to be generous and thoughtful and unselfish and considerate of other things that were also important to me, and he would make room in his agenda for me and mine. He would accommodate my wishes, needs, or concerns or my view of things. Any guy who refused or gave me an "I don't do that" told me that in other situations, it'd be all about him, my needs or concerns need not apply - and there'd be little sensitivity or thoughtfulness about taking what I wanted or needed into consideration. And it's hard to build a life together with somebody who's like that - if what you want is an equal, shared, hand-in-hand life-partnership.

I was surprised to see how much willingness there was. How there were a few who were happy to cooperate. I wasn't surprised by some others who just couldn't "lower" or "inconvenience" themselves because they had to be able to "feel it". Well, what about me? Where do I fit in there? I guess I don't. So okay for you, dude. Go be Donald Trump or something. My guy was SUPER eager to please in this regard, and he practically raided the drug store for a variety of - uh - samples to bring to the - uh - table, shall we say?

It's like having your own "Sorting Hat", with apologies to Harry Potter. The guy who says "yes" to this is WELL WORTH KEEPING - maybe even longterm! The guy who is unwilling - buh-BYE. You're too full of yourself and you just proved that there's no room in there for me.

My guy and I marked Year 40 together, a few months back, btw. It's still workin'!

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Arrow 72 replies Author Time Post
HipChick Oct 2016 OP
NightWatcher Oct 2016 #1
Yallow Oct 2016 #9
Coyotl Oct 2016 #13
groundloop Oct 2016 #25
LakeVermilion Oct 2016 #27
calimary Oct 2016 #30
LakeVermilion Oct 2016 #63
Emilybemily Oct 2016 #53
shadowmayor Oct 2016 #35
SummerSnow Oct 2016 #58
ehrnst Oct 2016 #59
smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #2
calimary Oct 2016 #31
smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #43
TexasBushwhacker Oct 2016 #56
Scarsdale Oct 2016 #47
TalkingDog Oct 2016 #49
smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #50
wheniwasincongress Oct 2016 #3
calimary Oct 2016 #34
Hekate Oct 2016 #51
LineLineLineLineReply I am SUPER lucky to have the guy I wound up with, Hekate! He passed my "condom test."
calimary Oct 2016 #55
calimary Oct 2016 #57
rug Oct 2016 #52
area51 Oct 2016 #67
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