ISIS faces final territorial defeat in eastern Syria battle

[Jake Stern]

5. Looks like Islamic State has been reduced to Islamic Neighborhood

Here's a little ditty to help them feel better while they watch their glorious Caliphate getting its ass kicked.

(To the tune of "Que Sera, Sera)

When I was just a little boy
I asked my father what will I be
Will I be an Imam
Will I be rich
Here's what he said to me

Oh no no no no
You'll be a jihadi
Your future's not bright you see
when you become a jihadi
Oh no no no no

When I grew up and joined ISIS
I asked my commander what lies ahead
Will we take Aleppo
And pray everyday
Here's what he said to me

Oh no no no no
You're now a jihadi
Your future's not bright you see
As a jihadi
Oh no no no no

Now I command fighters of my own
They ask me sir what will I be
Will I be envied
A role model to kids
I tell them honestly

Oh no no no no
You're a jihadi
You'll soon meet Allah you see
As a jihadi
Oh no no no no

As a jihadi