Bill and Melinda Gates announce divorce after 27 years

[Rorey]

66. He sounds like he's messed up in the head

Almost three years ago I found out my husband of almost 20 years was having an affair with someone he knew in high school. Our marriage hadn't been good for awhile, but I was still pretty much blind-sided.

I suggested marriage counseling, and we tried it, but he clearly wanted the best of both worlds so within six months of finding out about the affair, I filed for divorce. Four months later it was a done deal.

I'm not going to lie. It was rough for awhile. Now, a little over two years since the divorce was final, I have found that I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. I finally have peace in my life.

A few things that really helped me get through things were journaling, talking to a trusted person a LOT, and watching a gazillion videos that seemed to be tailor made for my situation.

I typed many long journal entries in the beginning. It helped a lot to sort out my thoughts in that way. Once in awhile now I have a day where I don't quite have my head on straight, and I find myself ruminating about things, so I do a little journaling and watch some videos.

One advantage that I had was that my kids were MY kids. Not his. My sons had treated him like he was their dad, and we had four grandchildren at the time. Now not one of my kids or grandkids will have anything to do with him. He never had kids of his own, so he really screwed himself out of family.

It's going to be more complicated for you because you did have children together. I just want to encourage you to try your hardest to not say derogatory things about him to your kids. Even though they're mad at him, they're all going through a lot of mixed up emotions.

I love that you said the words "survive, heal, and thrive". Those are exactly the right goals.

Oh, and the fact that he keeps contacting you and trying to get your approval for his effed up decision indicates that he's carrying a ton of guilt. Let him carry that load. Don't help him. Honestly, if you can have as little contact with him as possible, it'll be the best thing. It's tough. I broke my own no-contact rule many times before I finally got to an emotional place where I was able to stick to it.

You're going to survive, and you will thrive. I know it.