some history and tentative thinking about MFM-related questions [View all]

[Kali]

First, I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the various threads for Jim/MFM the past couple of days. I knew he had touched a lot of people here but ... man! Makes me very proud that he considered me to be a friend.

Thank you all, it means a lot to me and if he could see it he would be glowing, I just know it. He lived to make people smile, truly.

In fact, I first "knew" him as a radio personality - he had a comedy show on Sunday evenings on the Tucson community radio station, KXCI. And you can be sure it wasn't just some DJ playing comedy tracks. He made it his own - he was most definitely a major part of the show. I had been listening to the station since it was testing the airwaves back in 1982. At some point in the early 90's there was a political upheaval at the station when some assholes took over the board and hired a real jerk to manage the station. A group of dissidents started raising hell and making waves. Most of them lost their shows or quit in solidarity. There were a few articles in the alt-weekly paper and some advertizing as well, that mentioned a yahoo listserve where people could find more info and talk openly (unlike at the station's website to this day - no open criticism allowed, ever). That is where I first met Jim and the rest of the "Democracy Initiative" or the DI as we came to be known, after the petition we started to get the station's bylaws changed back to some semblance of being controlled by the membership rather than by a few unelected boardmembers and a fascist manager.

We would meet almost weekly in various local bars for nearly a year. It was a fun time for me, taking these weekly breaks from ranch life to work with a group of people doing something we all believed in. We got the station to make some changes and they in turn did what many organizations are so good at, they burned out a number of really creative and good volunteers while dividing the "community" that supported them. Sigh.

Anyway for a long time Jim had an e-mail list (or likely more than one) that he sent his funnies to. In real life he was a total clown, always coming up with silly non-sequitors that would make you spit your drink when the joke soaked in. He was the epitome of child-like (as opposed to childISH) in so many ways.

As some know, he took his DUer name as a riff off of LeftyFingerPop. I used to joke that LFP was MFM's sock or something, because his posting style was very similar to Jim's real-life humor. Their on-line styles were actually pretty different. Jim was much more about using visual things he found and making them his own with captioning or silly "shopping" - LFP was more about writing hilarious scenarios and asking silly questions. I guess when it fooled people that thought he was serious it pissed them off, because a lot more people were irritated by him than were irritated by Jim, though coincidentally they were often the same people.

After I finally got him to join here, he found a new audience and just loved doing what he did here, for the past 4 years. He cared about everybody as much as you have shown to care about him. He would not let me post updates that were really bad news, because he didn't want you guys to worry about him. He really seemed to be helped by the many vibe threads. To think text on a screen could influence health seems a little incredulous to me, but then I have sat here for hours with tears streaming down my face reading the feelings and thoughts of so many, so yeah. It was real.

In November we were set to go have lunch at a Polish place he had read about. I was on my way up to Tempe and was going to pick him up and have "bigos" or whatever he was so looking forward to. When I got to town and called, he blew me off because he wasn't feeling well. I asked if he wanted me to take him in to the ER and he said no it was just a cold. Of course by the time I came back through town he HAD gone in and that was the last time. We never got the lunch, he never got out.

Like many, I held on to the thought that he would make it and get out at least once more. When I saw him on Christmas eve, it was the first time ever that he said he was thinking it might be over. I told him not to give up on himself yet, but if he was truly ready I understood. He had been fighting for 3 years. He had been through enough. I went back the day after Christmas because he had been so down and I thought indeed he might be giving up. Well he fooled me good because that day he was so improved, both physically and especially emotionally. He seemed like he might make a turnaround. Then on New Year's Eve, again, he was in good spirits if a little worn out. He and I both attributed that to the PT regimen at the new(old) rehab place. Next thing I knew he was moved to the Hospital next door. The last time I spoke to him was Monday on the phone. We laughed about the corncob and I told him I would come in to see him when he got back to the rehab place in a day or two. Tuesday that hospital called and told me they wanted to send him back to UMC where his heart docs were and where his pacemaker had been installed as they thought it was causing a raging infection and would be the best team to remove it. I knew he would be moving over there on Wednesday and that would probably be tiring so planned to go in to see him Thursday. Thursday morning UMC called to have me come be with him for the end. That was it. His poor body just couldn't take all the shit that had been thrown at it any longer.

I was his Med Power of Attorney so some of the final decisions are getting put on me as there just really isn't anybody else. I am working with UMC and Pima County to make final plans and there are some more details that need to be discussed on Monday, but for now:

My "draft" idea is to have him cremated. I am working to notify the people that I think he would want to know, but there probably won't be a published Obituary other than the basic vital stat thing the Arizona Daily Star does (Consumer info/hint/rant - obituaries have become insanely expensive in the years that newspapers are dying out - this seems to now be one of their few ways to make money and they are really working it. My father's obit in the Tucson paper cost MORE than his cremation. If you are pre-planning a burial or funeral, be aware this is a major headache and expense.)

What I would like to do is take him out to Picacho Peak to scatter his ashes. He lived out there for a year or so before his health started going bad, and just loved it. If any AZ DUers would like to finally do a meet up, this might be the event that gets me motivated to finally plan something. We could return to Tucson for frozen girly drinks and celebrating his life at Guadalajara Grill. Or just meet there if people are not up for a drive out of town.

I have had some PMs and understand there is a thread about possible donations for this or something else in his honor. I am still thinking about that. There are a couple of possibilities that might be good. I think the cremation will be taken care of and will not be a hardship for me, even if I have to pay part of it, so that is not needed. He ordered me not to do anything so of course while I am not listening to him on that 100% (fuck you asshole, neither one of us was good at taking orders from the other!) I know he wouldn't want any kind of money spent on death or depressing things. However one suggestion to do something for his nurses and caregivers, especially at UMC really strikes a chord with me. I think he would like that.

I am not sure what exactly, flowers aren't allowed in the cardiac unit because of all the respiratory patients and everybody had food "issues" these days so not sure even sending pizzas would be appropriate. Maybe we can brainstorm this???

What do you think? (besides tl-dr)

And thank you all so much for your kind words - I want to reply individually, but the number of replies has utterly overwhelmed me! So many beautiful comments. THANK YOU!