when do you give up an walk away? [View all]

[hollysmom]

Brother is a drinker with bottles (hidden poorly) everywhere, I was estranged from his family due to his wife thinking I took his side too much. Well, they did not help by screaming and setting him up for DUI's by giving him booze and then sending him to the store. Did I say he was not bright. After Mom died, he really had to stay with them. but he worked hard and earned good money and fought a lot. I lived my pleasant little life without him in it. Then his wife died and no one knew what to do with him. He went into a tail spin and cried and would not bathe, and would not move. I went over to spend time with him to remind him of the good things in life, to assure him he could make choices, he needed to control his own life and not be dependent on his 30 year old single daughter. I will not take him in. I went over and tried to help him get an apartment or even just out of the house, I walked him through the ads and then went to pick him up to look at the ones he picked, he was drunk, and would not bathe and would not even entertain leaving and then went ion to a 1/2 hour spiel of what I could do with my genitals, a lot of which I had never heard before. Look, I have been yelled at, screamed at a lot of times, but even my ex never cursed at me. Meanwhile brother was over there and smirking, I knew he felt powerful doing it trying to drive me out - so I gave him his wish I left and have not returned, now his house is about to be sold from under him, it is in foreclosure, can I just walk away and not look back? His 20 something daughters are lost, but they gave him beer to keep quiet like their mother, bad bad. And they ignore his bad behavior, which I find hard to do not having to deal with crap for decades. One has small children and the other is on the verge of getting married.

fyi I was married to an alcoholic,and went to alanon, changed myself and for some reason that kind of made him change himself, I learned to just walk away if he wanted to drink and he really hated that. But it took him years to get sober and me filing for divorce. We were married 20 more years after that and he said he could not even imagine drinking again because he loved his life so much. So been there, done that,. This is more immediate though, decisions have to be made. I could walk away and let the sheriff throw him out when someone buys the beautiful house on foreclosure sale. I could buy his house and leave him there to rot. (it would take a lot of my savings, but I could do it. ) eventually the power and heat and water would be turned off. I can never ever take him in to live with me. EVER. so can you walk away and let someone on the street in the winter?

Time for me to go back to al anon, but kind of have to decide where I stand much sooner.