Why do some people manage to get and stay clean and sober and others don't?

[elfin]

7. I think it is a combo of persistence plus family and friend heartaches caused by the addiction

This person needed a guided family intervention to finally get started. Having previous habits of tending to other responsibilities of work and home life helps a great deal. It is a really hard change and needs more than a family and friends support system in addition to professional and/or AA help.

My observation is due to witnessing one successful (so far) recovery of a dear friend who changed their life over 20 years ago with a combo of smarts, family and professional help. They substituted the addiction to booze with what looked like to me an addiction to AA, searching and finding 2 or 3 meetings a day or night and becoming a sponsor and speaker to professional groups extraordinaire. Whatever works.

They were highly social and found it very difficult to keep going with the same gatherings, but kept at it. They also unapologetically asked ahead of time that their sobriety by honored before such gatherings or going out to dinner. Many do not go this far, but they were honest about their needs and those who resisted were deprived of their company. Sometimes they went but excused themselves after a short time after doing the Meet and Greet.

This person now gets a "buzz" from helping people in the same vicious circumstances.

Still clean and has recovered the delightful persona from years before the addiction.