Positivity. A little tough at times but worth it. [View all]

[Denninmi]

Ok, screw the no-posting thing. I like posting here and enjoy your input. Unless the sheriff shows up to cuff me and haul me off to inpatient, I'm pretty sure I'm over all of the crisis thinking. And I'm pretty sure I won't be doing anything to give them an excuse to haul me away. So no more emotional crap posts.

So, staying positive. It can be hard at times. But I see it as essential for anyone who has any issues with depression. So I think it helps to surround yourself with people who are positive, or at least not mired in despair about life. Or just tuned into other subjects not related to MI.

I have enjoyed Internet forums about various topics for years, mainly political or hobby oriented ones. And a small group of Facebook friends. But I stopped visiting all of my regular sites during the summer. Then I found a number of sites about depression, bipolar, or general MI topics, and joined and started posting on those.

I also went to a few real- world support group meetings.

Upon reflection, big mistake. Or let's just say in a way, not a mistake, part of the learning curve. Maybe it doesn't work this way for everyone, but I found these experiences just reinforced all of the fears and negative thoughts I had. I found the forums and support groups populated for the most part by people with very serious MI issues, most not functional on a day to day basis in terms of being able to work, to handle normal life issues, and most with multiple hospitalizations and serious ongoing issues. I feel really bad for anyone in those positions, but exposing myself to that is no longer an option, it gets the ball rolling on the "that will be you in a year" train of thought.

And if I don't want it to be me, I just can't go there. I feel like I really need to immerse myself in positivity and normality. Some things I still can't face even if part of me wants to, such as politics, it's too "big" of a topic to contemplate now. But I feel ready to get back into the personal things I enjoyed, such as gardening, cooking, home repair/improvement, as well as the new things, fitness, biking. I think that concentrating on "normal" without spending every waking moment dwelling on "crisis" is going to help a lot. Because I want to get to normal and stay there. The land of permanent mental health crisis is rough, and it can't be my fate or my choice.

Sure, problems will happen, often in groups. Spent part of last night in ER with my mom, then had to go find a 24 hour pharmacy, then found out the idiot ER doc gave her the exact same prescription she already was on, call back to doc and he says because of drug allergies nothing else he could prescribe at this time. Got home to find the refrigerator died, had to dig cooler chests out of the garage and haul everything outside into the cold. So, spent time online looking at replacements, have to go get on ordered today.

Started to let it roll in my mind and get to me, not sad, irritated, then I caught myself and said 1) nowhere near as major a crisis as what I went through, a petty annoyance, and 2) get a grip on it before I blow it out of proportion. Perspective helps a lot.

Happy Sunday everyone. I've decided that every day I'm not locked in a psych ward is a happy day, because I am never going back there.

Happy Sunday!