Today was one shitty day.

[negoldie]

34. I have a rare lymphoma, no cure, no remission

> Those precious few seconds when I awake are the best! No worries just get up, race to piss, pet the dogs, clean their messes as I curse them/praise them. Yep those first few seconds, maybe a total of two minutes are THE best. Turn on the coffee, the TV, the small space heater for just a little extra warmth. Man o man those first seconds/minutes are the best. Maybe I'll watch the Rachel Maddow replay, damn the local news is on. I'll check the weather, see if the cats won.
> Then it hits me. I remember why I get up to wake the chickens. Not this summer, maybe next, or the one after if I'm lucky.
> I want to be awake. To remember everyday.
> I tell myself not to get on Billye too much. She doesn't really understand.
> I tell my close friends everything, my other "friends" can come to the funeral.......if I have one.
> Someone will have a party. Just remember him as "a pretty good fella" that's what I always told my friend Gay. Maybe I told everyone once in a drunken stupor but it remains the way I want to be remembered.
> Damn those first few seconds for that is the time I relish. It doesn't last long enough for me.Then reality hits.
> The first five pills go down fine. I'll wait and take the other seven or so later.
> The sun is up, the dogs and cats want to go out.
> Those god damn first few seconds, for they are the BEST few seconds a fella could want, the problem, it only lasts those first few seconds.
> Take care and hug's all 'round.....no tears please.
>