Tommy Carcetti
Tommy Carcetti's JournalBREAKING NEWS: Harvard cancer grant's loss is Idaho trade school's big gain
President Donald Trump’s recent announcement that he would be stripping billions of dollars in federal grants towards various Harvard University subsidized research programs and redistributing such funds toward trade schools has inevitably already produced a long line of both winners and losers.
One such loser would be a $180 million funded program for an experimental new therapy for patients with various gastroenterological cancers, already underway at several hospitals across the nation.
Initial results of such therapies have already shown significant promise in attacking the growth of these notoriously hard-to-treat cancers, but with federal funding for the program now cut, the future of treatments for even existing patients has now become uncertain.
“We really thought we were on the cusp of a breakthrough,” said Dr. William Schneider, M.D., a gastric oncologist in charge of administering the program at one Atlanta-area hospital. “I mean, we were this close. But I suppose that’s just the natural consequence of elections, and to every one person’s yin, there will inevitably be another person’s yang. My only hope is that whoever does benefit from this funding will in turn benefit society as a whole.”
The sole beneficiary of that $180 million sum turned out to be none other than the Upper Snake River Valley School for Automotive Detailing and Modification, located in Sugar City, Idaho roughly a half-hour from Idaho Falls.
“Wow, one hundred eighty million,” remarked USRVSADM President Jim Phillips upon hearing the news. “I’m just truly gobsmacked. All I can say is that if you’re driving down State Road 48 in Rigby in the near future and you notice an unusually high amount of low-riding cars with neon-fluorescent undercarriage lights, you’ll know your tax dollars are being put to good use.”
USRVSADM, which has been in business since 2022, provides its students with the opportunity to train and apprentice with local autobody mechanic and technicians in the installation of after-market parts on trucks, cars, vans, motorcycles and sport-utility vehicles. Its stated goal is to become “one of the top 10 schools of its kind in the Upper Mountain West” by the end of the next decade.
“When you hear a modified dual exhaust pipe from a car that sounds like a trumpet’s being blown three inches from your eardrum, you are hearing the music of USRVSADM’s best and finest at work,” Phillips said. “And thanks to President Trump, you’ll be hearing a whole lot more of those types of noises these days.”
While it was not clear where the bulk of the money would be directed, Phillips did provide some potential avenues based on the latest after-market trends.
“Wraps are huge these days,” Phillips noted. “We had one guy come in with a Cybertruck who wanted that ‘Fight, Fight, Fight’ picture of Trump in his assassination attempt covering his entire vehicle. We got it done for him within a week, but with the added money coming in, we could have him in and out in just a day. It will be truly a miracle of science to behold.”
Phillips did, however, express some sympathy for the cancer patients who would be missing out on the federal grant money.
“Listen, life has been known to deal some folks a bad hand of cards,” Phillips said. “And I hate it every bit as much as the next person does. All I can say for those people is that if they are ever in Eastern Idaho and they want something to distract themselves from their health problems, they know where to go to get a slamming body kit for that Honda Civic of theirs.”
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Jimmy Carter was unjustly shit on for years.
People would not forget his loss to Reagan, the challenges from within his own party, the hostage crisis, having to deal with the leftover economic stagflation from the Nixon years, etc.
He was made out to be the epitome of a failed, one-term presidency.
The public image on him softened a bit when people realized all the good he was doing in his post-presidency and what a remarkable human being he was. But even then, people tended to focus only on that, as opposed to re-evaluating a lot of the things he did as President.
As it turns out, Jimmy Carter did a lot of great things as President. His lasting legacy was far better than what his detractors claimed. There's the Camp David accords, of course. And the Department of Education. And a lot of positive environmental policy. And greater diversity in terms of race and gender than we had ever seen before.
Now, we are looking at another one-term Democratic President being similarly dragged through the mud and attacked, even though he did a tremendous job during his time in office. That we avoided a recession under his watch is nothing short of a miracle on his part, and people forget that too easily.
Unfortunately for Joe Biden, he will not likely have the same benefit of time that Jimmy Carter did--Carter was 56 years old when he left office, as opposed to Biden's 81.
But I can only hope that he lives long enough to see proper justice done to his legacy as President, as opposed to this disgusting hit job that exists at the current moment.
BREAKING NEWS: WHCA to bestow special award on entire membership for its role in breaking the news that Biden was old
In a stunning decision, the White House Correspondents Association—the leading organization of journalists and members of the press charged with covering the executive branch—announced today that all 900+ of its members would be jointly awarded its prestigious Excellence in Presidential News Coverage honors.
As justification for this unprecedented decision, WHCA President Eugene Daniels cited the press’s “unparalleled bravery in the face of overwhelming adversity” relating to its “shocking” June 2024 revelation that then-President Joe Biden was, in fact, 81 years old.
“The vast majority of American voters who went to the polls in 2020 had no idea whatsoever that Joe Biden was in reality a 78-year-old man,” Daniels explained. “Nor was the general public ever completely aware of President Biden’s age throughout the majority of his administration. Most people fully assumed Joe Biden was a strapping young 25-year-old man at the peak of his physical stamina and virility.”
That false perception radically changed after events unfolded in Summer 2024, to which Daniels fully credits the media.
“After a subpar debate performance by President Biden, our journalists immediately sprung to work to uncover the shocking truth that the sitting Commander-in-Chief was in fact a wizened senior citizen whose gait and speech patterns were fairly appropriate for a person of his age,” Daniels said. “They were then able to disseminate this previously obscured fact to the public with a single-minded level of obsession paralleled only perhaps by Swifties debating as to which of Taylor’s Eras reigns supreme.”
Daniels believes members of the Biden administration had engaged in a “cover-up” regarding the President’s true age “on a level not seen since the days of Watergate.”
“The implications of obscuring Joe Biden’s age ran deep and put the American people in needless jeopardy,” Daniels explained. “For what would happen if President Biden were to walk by a tree with a cat trapped in its branches, and yet he would be unable to so adeptly climb up its trunk and free it from its arboreal captor? What would happen if Air Force One were to suffer an unexpected mechanical breakdown, requiring the President to instead jog across the nation from appearance to appearance? Only then would the public suddenly realize that its President was lacking the age-related fitness required for his most essential duties in office.”
Daniels bristled against accusations of false equivalence, soundly rejecting the argument that members of the media may have felt pressured to play up concerns about Biden’s age as a means to avoid claims of left-wing bias when it came to raising similar questions about now-President Donald Trump’s mental acuity and qualifications to hold office.
“Yes, Donald Trump is in fact a convicted felon who--while in office--was impeached an unprecedented two times,” Daniels said. “He also has been found civilly liable for fraud, defamation and sexual assault, as well as being criminally charged for schemes ranging from refusing to return highly classified materials to attempting to subvert the electoral process and encouraging a violent insurrection against the US Capitol. And we all heard him repeat blatant falsehoods about Haitian immigrants supposedly eating people’s pets in Ohio, as well as his bizarre musings about the size of golfing legend Arnold Palmer’s manhood. But the bottom line about Donald Trump is that we already knew all of those things and have fully accepted them as being part of the greater mosaic of his total being. Whereas virtually nobody knew that Joe Biden was both a grandfather and a card-carrying member of the AARP.”
“Also, someone who is 78 is younger than someone who is 81,” Daniels added. “I mean, come on. That’s just basic arithmetic.”
Daniels credits his fellow journalists for uncovering “perhaps the single greatest act of White House obfuscation we have seen in at least the past century, if not longer.”
“Did you hear all that, Donald?” Daniels quickly remarked, seemingly to no one. “Please don’t hurt us, okay?”
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"Disappeared"
"Disappeared" is a fascinating verb.
When used literally ("That stain just disappeared" ), it takes on an almost magical, supernatural sense.
When used figuratively or metaphorically ("He was tired and disappeared off to bed for a while" ), it's far more mundane.
But when it's used in the passive sense--"He was disappeared," "She was disappeared," "They disappeared him"--it suddenly becomes one of the most bone-chilling words in the entire English language.
BREAKING NEWS: FBI unveils new Bonginomobile protection vehicle for agency's deputy director
Fresh off announcing that he will be receiving a 20-agent team of around-the-clock personal bodyguards, the FBI announced today that it will be awarding its Deputy Director Dan Bongino with yet another on-the-job perk: his very own company car.
The agency stated that Deputy Director Bongino will soon be provided with what has been dubbed the “Bonginomobile,” a heavily modified Rezvani Hercules 6x6 armored and reinforced truck for the FBI’s second-in-command officer.
Persons within the agency state that the Bonginomobile will serve a multitude of functions in both protective and crime-fighting capabilities.
“For someone who has always been so defensive about his own personal image, it’s just as important that the deputy director be allowed to be as offensive as possible,” one senior FBI official stated. “The Bonginomobile has been exclusively designed for that very purpose.”
Bongino--a former New York police officer and Secret Service agent turned vocal Trump-supporting broadcaster--was appointed to the FBI Deputy Director position post in February by President Trump.
Besides its fully ballistic composite armor body shell, the Bonginomobile will also feature a rear tack dispenser, electrified door handles, magnetic deadbolts, blinding lights, gas masks, hypothermia kit, hidden radiator, and Kevlar-wrapped fuel tank.
But perhaps the most notable feature of the Bonginomobile might be the eight-foot-tall bulletproof glass turret fully encapsulating the truck’s bed where Bongino himself will be able to stand and surveil the situation around him without any fear of attack or assault.
When pressed, the FBI insisted the need for the Bonginomobile was “1000% justified.”
“Deputy Director Bongino faces any number of serious threats to his personal safety on a daily basis,” FBI press secretary Christina Pullen remarked. “Terrorist cells. Organized crime. Hostile foreign government agents. Members of the mainstream media. Social media commentators. Singer-songwriters—I can go on and on listing the types of people who would wish to inflict the worst type of harm on this dedicated, America-loving civil servant.”
Besides its heavy defensive reinforcements, the Bonginomobile will also be fully weaponized in case of any attack against its notable occupant. The truck is designed to hold six sub-mounted M2HB Browning machine guns and one top-mounted PRSL-1 rocket propelled grenade launcher for anti-tank purposes.
Additionally, while not currently a feature of the Bonginomobile, the vehicle can also be adapted to carry a battery of up to four SLAMRAAM short range surface-to-air missiles for threat deterrence.
The FBI envisions Bongino utilizing his vehicle for any number of uses.
“Transportation to and from critical crime scenes, public parades, midnight runs to Walgreens, what have you,” Pullen listed. “The bottom line is that this is going to be Dan’s toy to play with, and he’s going to be allowed to do as he sees fit.”
One particular novel plan for use of the Bonginomobile is that Bongino himself will travel around the country in the vehicle to personally patrol streets against what he believes to be the most critical threats against the nation’s safety.
“Pretty soon, Dan’s going to be cruising down your street in your town and he’s going to be standing tall inside that glass tower, making sure that the worst of society does nothing to ruin your day,” Pullen said. “Criminal gangs trafficking fentanyl, human smugglers, illegal aliens being illegal, deep staters threatening the rights of our brave January 6th hostages—all of you thugs out there better watch out for Dan and his Bonginomobile.”
And the estimated price tag for the Bonginomobile? A cool $80 million, sources say.
“About the cost of one F-35 Lightning II fighter jet,” Pullen noted. “The base model jet, mind you. Not the ones with all the bells-and-whistles. That would just be way over the top, right?”
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BREAKING NEWS: Massive trade war erupts between United States and Great Britain
Following up on high profile trade disputes with Canada, Mexico and China, President Donald Trump has now set his sights on his next target for tariffs: Great Britain.
Yesterday, Trump announced that he planned to enact tariffs on a large variety of British imports, specifically aluminum, vitamins, bananas, herbs, vases, scones, mobile phones, potatoes, tomatoes, and garage doors.
Push back across the Atlantic was swift, with UK Minister of State for Trade Policy Douglas Alexander announcing that Great Britain in turn would be placing tariffs on what he deemed "niche" items, including aluminum, vitamins, bananas, herbs, vases, scones, mobile phones, potatoes, tomatoes and garage doors.
This move left Alexander's American counterpart rather puzzled.
"Frankly, it's like they responded with putting tariffs on what sounds like completely different items," US Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnik said in comments to the press. "Yes, we were expecting some sort of pushback, but more along the lines of a tit-for-tat. We were prepared for a reciprocal response, not this random scattershot attack on vastly unrelated goods."
Alexander replied that he found Lutnik's statements to be "patronizing" but added the British government's decision of how to target its tariffs against the United States were made in the "privacy" of its own chambers.
Despite the high level of tension between the two countries, British Prime Minister Kier Starmer remained optimistic for a resolution.
"Let's call the whole thing off," Starmer said.
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BREAKING NEWS: Lonely, ornery man makes first ever friend in his 78 year life; two then proceed to terrorize nation.
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BREAKING NEWS: Trump calls Zelensky out for not sufficiently thanking him prior to his term in office
Fresh off a blistering encounter in the Oval Office on Friday where he and Vice President JD Vance verbally excoriated Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for not showing sufficient thanks for American support, President Donald Trump continued his attacks on Zelensky for his perceived ingratitude.
Speaking in an interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, Trump doubled down on his criticisms of the embattled Ukrainian leader.
“Listen, Sean, Ukraine started its war against Russia in what, February 2022?” Trump told Hannity. “And believe me, if I were in office, it would never have happened. Never. But it did happen anyways, and under Joe Biden—Sleepy Joe Biden—we gave Ukraine so many weapons. We gave them so many weapons, you wouldn’t even believe it. It was crazy how many weapons they got.”
“But if you think about it, Sean, there’s one thing people aren’t really talking about,” Trump continued. “All this time that Ukraine has been waging this war against itself, all this time from 2022 up until the time I took office in, what, January 2024? And who was the one person Zelensky never really thanked for all those American weapons? Me. Donald Trump. Not once did Zelensky publicly say, ‘Thank you Donald Trump, for all these American weapons I’m going to have once you take office. The Ukrainian people can sleep soundly now knowing that Donald Trump will eventually be President of the United States.’”
“I never heard it from him, Sean,” Trump said. “For over five years he had the opportunity to say it, and yet only now that I’m in office does he come crawling to me in the Oval Office and wanting more from me. And I’m sorry, but that’s not going to bring peace to his country. Maybe under Sleepy Joe Biden, but I just don’t play that way.”
Other officials close to the President echoed his sentiments.
“The only reason Ukraine still exists today is because of the United States and Donald J. Trump,” White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller said in a weekend interview with Newsmax. “Because of all the weapons that it frankly should never have received from the United States, but did, it has been able to repel the invasion so far. All thanks exclusively to Donald Trump, to whom the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening. Yet Zelensky marches into the White House and demands even more, because he has been treated like some sacred Messianic leader all these years. And finally on Friday, Donald Trump once and for all was able to put a stop to that nonsense and declare no more. We won’t be going into World War III only because of Donald Trump, for the kingdom, the power and the glory is his, now and forever.”
Still others in the administration believed Trump was playing the long game in terms of diplomatic strategy.
“President Trump is being so harsh on Ukraine and Volodymyr Zelensky only to curry favor on Russia and Vladimir Putin,” one senior White House advisor was quoted as saying. “Once he gains that favor with Putin, he will then turn around and procure a deal that is then very favorable to Ukraine. You must remember that when everyone else is playing checkers, Donald Trump is playing twelve-dimensional chess.”
“And when someone is playing twelve-dimensional chess, it’s important to keep in mind all twelve dimensions,” the advisor continued. “The first dimension is length. The second is width. The third dimension is height. The fourth is time. The fifth is color. Sixth dimension is smell. The seventh is saltiness. The eighth dimension is actually The Fifth Dimension, as in the musical group from the 1960s. You know, from Hair? The ninth dimension is…um…avarice—I’m sorry, is he dead yet? Can I stop this now? I would really, really, really like to be able to stop this now. What has it been, six months already?”
“Six weeks?” the exasperated advisor responded upon correction. “Holy shit!”
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I think some people are misinterpreting the Trump-Musk dynamic.
People seem to want to paint Trump as some sort of unwilling puppet of Musk, insisting that Musk is the true President in fact, calling him "President Musk," etc.
And that's a great way to troll Trump and get under his skin. But it's not really accurate, IMHO.
The paradoxical thing about Trump is that he absolutely loves power and being in charge, but he doesn't like being President.
He loves the adulation, the entourage, the idea that he can rename places at the blink of an eye or threaten to take over whatever sovereign land or throw the economic markets into an instant frenzy over tariff threats, and then instantly calm them like he's Jesus Christ by pulling back. It feeds his ego--which is insatiable, but still needs to be constantly fed.
He doesn't like being President not necessarily because he's lazy or stupid (although a very good argument could be made for him being both of those things), but rather because of the constraints put on the Presidency. The constitutional checks and balances from the other two branches. The oversights. The limits.
And most importantly of all, the President's duties towards the citizens. Trump has zero interest in helping the people, serving the people, protecting the people. He's 100% interested in helping only one person, and that's himself. And he has no interest at all in a government that has responsibility towards its own citizens.
So he's just as happy to get rid of that role of government. He wishes to govern by fiat and personal will, not a Constitutional mandate. He wants to be Emperor Trump, not President Trump.
Enter Elon Musk.
Musk gladly takes on the role of Trump's hatchet man, to destroy everything good that the government does for its citizens, so that all is left is a hollow shell that serves only to glorify him.
Trump himself lacks the wits and energy to do all this himself, so he basically outsourced it all to Musk, a man who happily feeds on chaos. And destroying government--like destroying Twitter--creates lots and lots and lots of chaos.
If this were Star Wars, think of Elon Musk as Grand Moff Tarkin, the ruthless commander of the Death Star who goes from planet to planet destroying everything in sight.
Meanwhile, Trump is Palpatine, with a little Jabba the Hutt mixed in.
No, actually a lot of Jabba the Hutt mixed in, if you know what I mean.
For now, it's a symbiotic relationship between Trump and Musk.
Could it turn sour? Will they turn on each other?
Knowing their egos and volatile personalities, most likely it will. I don't think we've reached that stage yet.
Right now, they're still very much a dangerous dyad working in concert with one another. A two-headed monster.
There's all this talk about how Trump is now getting "tough on Russia" and wants to "end the war" in Ukraine.
But what's conspicuously absent from Trump's rhetoric?
The answer is any indication that he wants Ukraine to win the war. That he wants Russia to retreat from sovereign Ukrainian territory. He's barely even mentioned Ukraine at all. He'd rather talk about his relationship with Putin than address Ukraine head on.
If you remember back during the debate, Trump was asked point blank whether or not he wanted Ukraine to win its war against Russian invasion and aggression. He couldn't answer it. He refused to answer it. And he still hasn't.
In his most recent tweet, he supposedly makes threats against Russia for sanctions and tariffs. First of all, Russia has already been heavily sanctioned at this point. And they've had some considerable impact but it's a slow burn. So Trump is just proposing something we've already long done.
And tariffs are laughable. Even before the invasions and sanctions, we got very, very little in terms of imports from Russia. So that's a drop in the bucket and won't have a single impact.
And secondly, this "threat" appears to be a substitute for military assistance, not a supplement. So there's a good chance military aid to Ukraine slows or stops altogether in the near future. When you consider the statements of people closest to Trump--Musk, Gabbard, RFK Jr., Vance, Don Jr.--they've all been highly critical of military aid to Ukraine.
The bottom line is that Trump might want to "end the war," but it's not going to be on Ukraine's terms. He'll cut a deal with Putin as soon as he can and then attempt to shove it down the Ukrainian's throats.
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Member since: Tue Jul 10, 2007, 03:49 PMNumber of posts: 43,982