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red dog 1

Profile Information

Gender: Male
Hometown: San Francisco, Ca.
Home country: U.S.A.
Member since: Tue Sep 14, 2010, 03:05 PM
Number of posts: 15,136

About Me

San Francisco State University grad (Psychology).

Journal Archives

Know any Zen Buddhist jokes?

3 Zen monks go into a cave to meditate.
After a month or so, a noise is heard outside the cave.
3 months later, one of the monks says:
"Did anyone else hear that noise?..I think it was a cow"
6 months later, the 2nd monk replies: "That wasn't a cow, it was a goat!"
A year later, the 3rd monk says: "If you two are going to keep arguing, I'm leaving!"

Post a line from a TV show & see if anyone knows the show without using Google - Part 26

1) "There was shrinkage!" (answered)

2) "Is there any way the package could have survived?" (answered)

3) "Can it core a apple?" (answered)

4) "I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!" (answered)

5) "We're just two assholes lost in the woods!"

6) "Mayonnaise! MAYONNAISE!"

7) "They made fun of me at the senior center" (answered)

8) "I just live here...I don't have anything to do with the dead people." (answered)

9) "It's Crazy Joe Devola!" (answered)

10) "He Marvin Gayed his own nephew!"

11) "I think I'm Jewish"

12) "Mr. Kramer, he's only an innocent primate" (answered)

13) "Big steps and little 'uns"

14) "He took..it out!" (answered)

15) "Always bet on the black, Jack!"

16) "If you don't know who I am, then maybe your best course would be to tread lightly." (answered)

17) "My daughter just ran off with your ragamuffin son!"

18) "Plant your feet firmly on the ground...Address the ball." (answered)

19) "Who died and made you T-Bone Walker?"

20) "My list isn't dumb, Randy!"

21) "Let's go buy a boat!"

22) "I need SHOES!"

23) "I got a great idea for a cologne...The Beach!" (answered)

24) "You don't shit where you eat...And you really don't shit where I eat!"

25) "Oh my God! My Tivo thinks I'm gay!"

26) "You know, Dick, when life gives you lemons, you shut up and eat the damn lemons!"

27) "Is this the group that goes around mutilating squirrels?"

28) "Hey, Crabman!"

29) "OK, what's the difference between a Mexican and an octopus?"

30) "Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty!"

31) "Those who want respect, give respect!"

32) "I don't mean to panic anyone, but the Calamari has been infested with baby squid!"

33) "And I should have fucked Dale Evans, but I didn't!"

34) "Anybody touches my liquor'll get cut!"

35) "Ain't got no spleen, Gene!"

36) "Why don't you get a life, Rick?..Why don't you go to community college like Julian here?"

37) "He's a 'popcorn'."
(F/X series)

38) "I'm the chef of the future!"

39) "It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person"

40) "I lie every second of the day...My whole life is a sham!"

41) "Harry, I need you to drive me downtown"

42) "And let the good news be yours!"

43) "Cigarettes could kill me; and so could Donnie Jones!"

44) "Guns don't kill people..Physics kill people!"

45) "I know you..Aren't you the old man who got me fired from the Java Hut?"

46) "I'm Carl Hickey, and I need your vote!"

47) "Anita Pallone, that's my mother's name!"

48) "Schmock! Schmock!" (answered)

49) "Sir, that's not my hat!"

50) "OK Mr. Solomon, it's time to finger your perp!"

51) "Why do we have to sit so close to the kitchen?..Is it because we're black?"

52) "How was the Junior Chipmunks meeting, Dear?"

Post the punch line of a joke and see if anyone knows what joke it's from without using Google

I'll start things off with this one:

"Whatever you do, don't sell that cow!"

Post a line from a song & see if anyone knows the song without using Google - Part 12

1) "Slippin' and a slidin', and playing domino" (answered)

2) "Though you're nearest to my heart..Please don't ever say we'll part"

3) "Well..You can swing it, you can groove it, you can really start to move it.." (answered)

4) "Lately it occurs to me...What a long, strange trip it's been" (answered)

5) "Well that big dumb blonde with her wheel in the gorge..And Turtle, that friend of hers with his cheeks all forged"

6) "My buddies and me are gettin' real well known" (answered)

7) "Jody said 'It's mine, and you can have it for seventeen million'" (answered)

8) "There is a road, No simple highway" (answered)

9) "Give him two lips, like roses in clover, Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over" (answered)

10) "I said, you're on, buddy, my mill's running fine; Let's come off the line now at Sunset and Vine"

11) "When he danced he held me tight..And when he walked me home that night..All the stars were shining bright" (answered)

12) "Amos Wise was the baggage man, and he dearly loved his job...The company rewarded him with a golden watch and fob" (answered)

13) "He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction" (answered)

14) "In my Woody I will take you, everywhere I go" (answered)

15) "There's so many pretty people in the city, I swear, some of them are girls" (answered)

16) "Oh baby, said-a we gotta' go" (answered)

17) "When you see your ship go sailing..When you feel your heart is breaking" (answered)

18) "That will ease all my pain..That will settle my brain..It's my first one today"

19) ""Here I come to save the day!"

20) "He's coming home to see me on a weekend pass, A 48 hour day-ate"

21) "To save my soul I can't get a date..Baby's got it tuned on channel 8"

22) "Well, I love you so...And, I'll never let you go"

23) "I wake up every morning about 7 O'clock...Catch the 9:02 and I make several stops"

24) "She;s a melody in search of the words 'I love you'...She's a rose with no room to grow"

25) "If you want to be somebody else...If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself"

26) "Since she left me, I haven't been the same"

27) "Well I went up on the mountain, I looked down in the sea"

28) "To hold in mine, your little hand..I'll know too soon, that all is so grand"

29) "Check out those shoes..She looks like she stepped out of the middle of somebody's blues"



More song lyrics from Part 11
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181228623

Post a line from a movie & see if anyone knows the movie without using Google - Part XXV

1) "Shut up! Shut up, and take the pain. TAKE THE PAIN!" (answered)

2) "Somebody cal 9 fucking 111...Somebody call 9 fucking 111"

3) "Hello, this is Chuck telling Bill to SHUT UP!" (answered)

4) "Mr. Conforte, I'll see you in just a few minutes"
(Same film as # 7)

5) "Don't be talking about the shit bucket in front of strangers!"

6) "I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me..At least he knows I'm there"

7) "Nadine was a hell of a driver, Charlie!"

8) "What do you want to do tonight, Angie?"

9) "My friends call me 'Hytone'"
(Biopic)

10) "You don't have to do this!" (answered)

11) "We can't travel in that shit heap!"

12) "I think Roy Gillis must have found out!

13) "You gotta' kill Bone first"

14) "Have you read the bible, Pete?"

15) "Pass the celery"

16) "I've got newsreels in my head"
(Biopic)

17) "His entire body is bloodshot!"

18) "Are you off your fucking meds or something?"

19) "Put..the coffee .back in the cup"

20) "Is your granny spry?"

21) "You touched my brick?"

22) "Can I have me paper back?"

23) "Hey Pinocchio, where are YOU going?"

24) "I got kicked out of school...Aren't the new neighbors nice?...I got vodka!"

25) "I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs"

26) "Decko the bus conductor..Is that top Decko or bottom Decko?"

27) "I hear you got a whore in there!"

28) "None of them use birth control...and they eat all the steak!"

29) "Do you ever clean this car?...Are these cookies?"

30) "Now YOU should say something"

31) "Well, that's some monkey house in there!"

32) "You ain't gonna' shit right for a week!"

33) "OVER THE LINE!"

34) "I have to fart!"
(same film as # 26)

35) "You're getting fucked one way or another!"

37) "This is my tree you wrecked!"

38) "You're in the Navy, remember?..It's not a job, it's an adventure!"

39) "Any sweet water up beyond?"
(very old western)

40) "Well, I wasn't born with your hand in my bush!"

41) "You'll always be 'Shorty' to me!"

42) "God, does it always shrivel up like that when you shower?"

43) "Hey Ricky, get this lame-O out of your yard!"

44) "Old Earl here was worried about Baby"



More unanswered movie quotes from Part XXlV:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181253748

Post a true but little known fact about someone famous, living or dead -- Part 9

Paul Simon has won 16 Grammy Awards.




Many, many more true but little known facts about someone famous, living or dead, Part 8
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181139743

Post a line from a movie & see if anyone knows the movie without using Google - Part XXIV

1) "Hey Ricky, get this lame-o out of your yard!" (answered)

2) "Old Earl here was worried about Baby" (answered)

3) "What kind of a man would put a snake in a man's salad?"
(extra credit for this one)

4) "I was building a house!" (answered)

5) "They call it a Royale with Cheese" (answered)

6) "God, does it always shrivel up like that when you shower?"

7) "You'll always be 'Shorty' to me"

8) "Well I wasn't born with your hand in my bush"

9) "All right, just keep your hands off the records" (answered)
(1950's movie)

10) "Any sweet water up beyond?"

11) "You're in the Navy, remember?..It's not a job, it's an adventure!" (answered)

12) "This is my tree you wrecked!" (answered)

13) "What business is it of your where I'm from, frendo?" (answered)

14) "Look, Darling, there's Johnny Ringo" (answered)

15) "What do you want me to do, Ray, go to war over a coat?" (answered)

16) "You're getting fucked one way or the other!" (answered)

17) "If you're the police, where are your badges?" (answered)

18) "I have to fart!" (answered)

19) "OVER THE LINE!!" (answered)

20) "You ain't gonna' shit right for a week!" (answered)

21) "Well, that's some monkey house in there"

22) "Anybody got any Animal Crackers?" (answered)
(extra credit for this one)

23) "Now YOU should say something"

24) "But I don't WANT to do the 'Ha Cha Cha'." (answered)

25) "Do you ever clean this car?...Are these cookies?" (answered)
(same movie as # 22)

26) "None of them use birth control; and they eat all the steak" (answered)

27) "I hear you got a whore in there"

28) "Decko the bus conductor...Is that top decko or bottom decko?"

29) "They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets" (answered)

30) "I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs"

31) "We are not stopping to see the world's largest non-stick frying pan!" (answered)

32) "I..Drink..Your..Milkshake!" (answered)

33) "I got kicked out of school...Aren't the new neighbors nice?"...I got vodka!"

34) "Hey Pinocchio, where are YOU going?" (answered)

35) "Can I have me paper back?"

36) "You touched my brick?"

37) "Is your granny spry?" (answered)

38) "I feel like I'm insane!" (answered)
(comedy)

39) "Put..the coffee..back in the cup"

40) "Are you off your fucking meds or something?' (answered)

41) "Is that my phone?"

42) "Don't be talking about the shit bucket in front of strangers"

43) "His entire body is bloodshot!"

44) "I've got newsreels in my head"
(biopic)

45) "Pass the celery" (answered)

46) "Have you read the bible, Pete?"

47) "What about my men?"

48) "You gotta kill Bone first"
(film about a bank heist)

49) "I will give you her life for your life, and the life of my brother" (answered)

50) "I think Roy Gillis must have found out" (answered)

51) "We can't travel in that shit heap!"

52) "You don't have to do this" (answered)

53) "Ass-HOLE" (answered)

54) "My friends call me 'Hytone'."

55) "Rule number one, Never propose to a woman on a bus" (answered)

56) "What do you want to do tonight, Angie?" (answered)


More unanswered movie quotes from Part XXIII
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181223242

Post a line from a TV commercial & see if anyone knows the product without using Google - Part 8

1) "Here he comes, here he comes, the greatest toy you've ever seen and his name is Mr ____"? (answered)

2) "Gee that's great. _____, what else is new?"

3) "I think, therefore ____"?

4) "Your flexible friend"

5) "Man-O-_____ what a wine!" (answered)

6) "Bet you can't eat just one" (answered)

7) "____, take me away" (answered)

8) "Must-See TV" (answered)

9) 'Gentle as a lamb?"

10) "Fly me!" (answered)

11) "Like a rock" (answered)

12) "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature" (answered)

13) "We will sell no wine before it's time" (answered)

14) "It's the water" (answered)

15) "Take it off, Take it all off" (answered)

16) "From the Land of Sky Blue Waters" (answered)

17) "The bright red seal on the package end means there's mighty good cookies inside,Look my friend"

18) "Look Ma, no cavities!" (answered)

19) "We want to help you do things right" (answered)

20) "Hand-built by robots"

21) "Something special in the air" (answered)

22) "Mama puts it in my milk for extra energy" (answered)

23) "You eat too much, you eat too fast"

24) "It's got more meat to make him feel the way he should"

25) "I AM CANADIAN" (answered)

26) "Don't forget the ham, Sam"

27) ""Sized right in the middle of the big and the little"

28) "Central heating for kids"

29) "It has beef, liver, cheese, charcoal and ginger"

30) "Coffee at it's best"

31) "Grace, Space, Pace"

32) "Biggest candy bar on reservation" (answered)

33) "It does exactly what it says on the tin"

34) "Never knowingly undersold"

35) "It works every time"

36) "Tastes as great as it's name" (answered)

37) "Ask the man who owns one" (answered)



More unanswered TV commercial lines from Part 7
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181214104

Do you have a least favorite director, living or dead?

Bob Fosse is no longer with us, but his movies are.

"Lenny" starring Dustin Hoffman as Lenny Bruce...What a joke!
Hoffman sucked - He didn't even TRY to sound like a guy from Brooklyn.
Ultimately, imo, the movie was terrible not only because Hoffman was terrible, but because it was directed by a guy who had no concept of Lenny Bruce's humor, since Fosse was actually a "dance movie director"

Heard any good "walks into a bar" jokes lately?

Here are two oldies but goodies:

1) A Canadian, a Texan, and a Tea Bagger walk into a bar, and the bartender says:
"Nice to see you again, Senator Cruz."


2) (From a DUer)
A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartender starts pouring and the guy drinks them all as fast as he can.
The bartender says: "Wow! You sure downed those fast!"
The guy replies: "You'd be drinking fast too if you had what I have"
Bartender asks: "What do you have?"
The guy replies: "75 cents"
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