Mr. ScorpioMr. Scorpio's Journal
Ida Mae Crumpet and her squirrel, Major Crunchy Crumpet
While I'm sure that most of you took time out your busy schedules this last January 21st to celebrate Squirrel Appreciation Day, it should be noted that very few of us were aware of the person who sacrificed so much of her life to make sure that this grand holiday and its traditions came into being for all of us to share. And of course, I'm talking about the one and only, Ida Mae Crumpet, who was born this day in 1884.
Ida Mae was born in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania to Horace Crumpet, a local bird house salesman and his wife, Edna Mae. The middle child of seven boys and girls, Ida Mae was instantly recognizable for the fact that, at full grown, she stood only one and one half feet tall. At the age of 17, she ran off to join Barnum & Bailey's Circus. During her time at the circus she was known as, "Sciuridia, Queen of the Squirrels," where she led a performance with several hundred tamed rodents. She was celebrated for her talent of getting squirrels to perform amazing feats of daring and acrobatics. Her most famous performance was in front of England's King Edward VII, where she conducted a reenactment of the Crimean War's Charge of the Light Brigade with her squirrels.
She left Barnum & Bailey after five years with the circus, where she also divorced her husband, the son of the famous General Tom Thumb, the more diminutive Colonel Thom Thumb, for his alleged sexual abuse of several of her squirrels and his otherwise obsessive drinking. Later in her life, she turned to activism against the cruel treatment of squirrels used as delivery agents for chemical weapons by both sides during World War I. Her fearless and tireless campaign lead to an international accord, written into the Treaty of Versailles in 1919, banning the further use of squirrels as delivery agents of both nerve and chemical weapons.
Symbol of the German Army's
5th Mechanisiertes Nagetiergruppen-Chemikalienkorps
The treaty, whose end on January the 21th 1920, also signified the observance of the very first Squirrel Appreciation Day. U.S. President Woodrow Wilson appointed Ida Mae Crumpet to a position in the League of Nations as a Special Envoy for Squirrel Affairs, overseeing various squirrel related issues. After her time in public service, Ida Mae retired to a farm in Upstate New York, opening a reserve for the care of liberated squirrels until her death in 1936. The Township of Puckerville, NY celebrates the life of Ida Mae Crumpet with an annual parade in her honor on every 21st of January, where she is buried today.
A blend of onion, avocado and tomato basil
I wonder how the Koreans are involved...
It's a general catch-all offense that applies to anything that one could come across in any day of living. I need no justification for the offense, nor do I request any recompense from whomever dares to express their own opinion without considering my own delicate sensibilities.
However, since I'm not going to be specific about what has offended me, in order to retain as much leverage over others as possible, I am hereby taking suggestions from anyone whose own self-defensiveness has been triggered by my declaration of offense. I will either engage or arbitrarily dismiss those suggests, without explanation, as I see fit. Consider it something akin to an Open Mic Night with no predetermined guidelines.
You are all free to personalize your own offensiveness in response to my declaration of offense, reading into it any form of guilty feeling, disdain for me in particular, propensity to be an interfering busy-body, or just acting on your own desire to watch the world burn from your own participation.
Tone is important. A sarcastic, condescending and angrily written reply makes it all the more engaging and increases the likelihood of spirited debate. Please stubbornly stand by your own positions, long after any positive or intelligent discourse has left the exchange.
You're free to make straw man arguments and other lapses in logical rhetoric. Please nit-pick on minor issues, such as typos and grammatical errors. It's all game.
Try not to be abusive, though. But if you are, it's completely understandable. If you feel it necessary to rehash old grievances, this is the perfect opportunity to present them.
Make sure to bring your A Game
If you're in the mood to increase your level of adrenaline and general excitement, relieve boredom and waste valuable time in pointless debate, this is your time. Waste it well.
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