March 29, 2017

Sean Spicer's Top 10 Reasons that Donald Trump is Not Throwing Out the First Pitch

10. “The president is such a good pitcher, he doesn’t want to embarrass Max Scherzer, who, I’m told, is also a pitcher.”

9. “He IS going to throw out the first pitch. Nobody ever said he wasn’t. #FakeNews.”

8. “I… uh… the thing is…. April… April… April… Stop shaking your head.”

7. “He already did it… and it was witnessed by more people in person and on the internet that any other pitch in the history of mankind. Okay? Everybody clear now?”

6. “Baseball is not that big in Russia.”

5. “He just doesn’t want to do it for the ‘Nationals.’ He’s waiting for an invitation from the ‘Universals,’ as befits his status.”

4. “I already called dibs on throwing out the first pitch in my Easter Bunny suit.”

3. “n9y25ah7.”

2. “The Washington Nationals used to be the Montreal Expos. Throwing out the first pitch would go against everything the president believes about border security.”

1. “He thought he was asked to ‘throw out the RICH,’ which, of course, he would never do.”

November 6, 2012

I predict that he will hint at a 2016 run.

Which is totally ludicrous, yes.... but no more or less ludicrous than anything he has said or done over the last year-and-a-half.

October 30, 2012

Mitt unveils his new mentalism magic act...

"Folks.... for my first trick.... can someone loan me a bill of any denomination?"


"Thank you, miss. And now I, the Great Romnini, will determine the denomination of this bill without even looking at it."


"With just a few flicks of my reptilian tongue... (thup, thup, thup) Yes... I believe its a twenty. ...Do they still make those?"

August 9, 2012

As Carnac the Magnificent might say...

February 9, 2012

How many DUers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

At least 48.

One troll to blame Obama for the burnout of the previous bulb because of his War on Incandescents.

35 DUers to complain within the first thirty seconds about how dark it is in here.

One DUer who wants to post a poll about the wattage of the new bulb, but who winds up posting a rant about the inability to post a poll in DU3.

One DUer to alert on the bulb because the burnout was disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Three DUers to clamor to serve on the jury, only to find that they have clicked the link too late and that the light bulb jury has already been seated.

Three DUers to vote that they see nothing wrong with the light bulb's behavior and to let it stand.

Three DUers to vote to hide the bulb -- no explanation given.

And Skinner, who despite the other 47, changes the bulb less than a minute after the old bulb burned out.

January 6, 2012

Loudon Wainwright III song: Newt Gingrich is Running For Prez

Just discovered this. I believe Loudo has updated a version of this song that he wrote when Gingrich was speaker, called "Newt Gingrich is Running the Town," which appears in his new box set.

Loudo is the best. Pity I couldn't share this before the holidays, as it is (sort of) set to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," but I hope you enjoy it anyway.