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orleans

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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 05:56 AM
Number of posts: 26,557

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quotes on grief

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“There is a sacredness in tears....They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
― Washington Irving

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
― Anne Lamott

“Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

“When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.”
― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

“Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.”
― Robert Frost

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

“You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ”
― Colette

“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.”
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

“There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rulebook that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it's okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

“It sucks that we miss people like that. You think you've accepted that someone is out of your life, that you've grieved and it's over, and then bam. One little thing, and you feel like you've lost that person all over again.”
― Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass

“But when I do feel all the strength go out of me, and I fall to my knees beside the table and I think I cry, then, or at least I want to, and everything inside me screams for just one more kiss, one more word, one more glance, one more.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

“Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss.”
― Meghan O'Rourke

“Every widow wakes one morning, perhaps after years of pure and unwavering grieving, to realize she slept a good night's sleep, and will be able to eat breakfast, and doesn't hear her husband's ghost all the time, but only some of the time. Her grief is replaced with a useful sadness. Every parent who loses a child finds a way to laugh again. The timbre begins to fade. The edge dulls. The hurt lessens. Every love is carved from loss. Mine was. Yours is. Your great-great-great-grandchildren's will be. But we learn to live in that love.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

“And no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo

“Each of us has his own rhythm of suffering.”
― Roland Barthes

“Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”
― Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Giant

“When one person is missing the whole world seems empty.”
― Pat Schweibert, Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss

“It reminds me that no embrace will ever feel the same again, because no one will ever be like her again, because she's gone. She's gone, and crying feels so useless, so stupid, but it's all I can do.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

(6 pages of selected quotes from goodreads dot com)

types of grief

apparently there are many types of grief we can experience and i found a list of them on a blog written by two mental health professionals:
http://whatsyourgrief.com/about-whats-your-grief/


normal grief

anticipatory grief

complicated grief
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2691160/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complicated_grief_disorder
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/basics/symptoms/con-20032765

chronic grief

delayed grief
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_grief

distorted grief

prolonged grief
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prolonged_grief_disorder

exaggerated grief

masked grief

disenfranchised grief

traumatic grief

collective grief

ambiguous grief

inhibited grief

abbreviated grief

absent grief

and

cumulative grief
http://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/

http://whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief/



"What We Have Once Enjoyed And Deeply Loved We Can Never Lose, For All That We Love Deeply Becomes A Part Of Us." --Helen Keller

i'm truly sorry to hear your mom died

going through that with my mom was (and continues to be) the most difficult & devastating experience of my life (and it's been over four years now)

i lost a lot of weight too (almost twice as much as you--but it was across the first six months or so) because i couldn't eat. i bitterly referred to it as the death diet. be careful with that. i eventually ended up in the i.c.u. for four days needing a blood transfusion because of a bleeding ulcer i developed (from the stress, a lot of coffee, and occasional advil.)

i saw your other post about about sleeping and i remember, in those first months, waking up and then seconds later (when i'd realize she wasn't here) i'd burst into tears; feet not yet on the floor, head still on pillow, covers still on, and i was starting off another day feeling so utterly devastated. i still don't sleep for long periods of time but those morning tears don't happen anymore. (at this point in time my emotional floodgates don't open until late afternoon, evening, or late at night before bed. and not every day either. although last night i probably spent close to two hours in an emotional tailspin--and today my eyes are terribly swollen as a result.)

professional counseling or grief groups may have helped me but i never went (for several complicated reasons). but it might be something you can consider.

i hope you take care of yourself.

thank you.

i know what you mean about wondering what else you could have done. i played that tormenting song over and over for a long long time. every once in awhile i still play it but mostly i have managed to forgive myself for not being able to foresee or predict the future.

my heart aches for her with a pain i have never known. i love her beyond words and miss her just as much. it's astounding to realize the intensity of the bonds we are capable of creating with others. my mom always said i was "overly emotional" and i had a dismissive tendency to chalk it up to having a "poet's soul." but these past years? i never knew these waters ran so deep.

sometimes i feel she is watching me, shaking her head sadly, sympathizing with my plight, and yet amazed to realize how much she is loved.

thank you for your warmth and hugs. you're not alone either.

i'm sorry for your loss

this is my fifth mother's day without my mom
i saw my daughter today and that helped a lot but i was alone yesterday and it was really hard--i had a terrible time missing her so badly
back home now, watching long island medium, feeling a bit exhausted from all of yesterday's tears & emotional upheaval

it's really hard. still.

omg--you are so lucky

i was hoping for the same thing but i don't recall it happening.

i had a bad day & night yesterday, missing my mom so very much. i wonder how today is going to be.

a show of tremendous love

for without love we cannot grieve

how very sad

so many of us do the same (but without sitting on the roof)

others that hear the call are unaware of the reason why.
but you know and understand and sympathize which is really all someone else can ever do.

grief is a process. apparently even for quails.

my solace has been the bereavement group here ever since my mom passed.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234

it's not as busy as the bigger forums here but it's given me a place to grieve, release a lot of my thoughts, and it's been a spot where i have gone, brokenhearted, and cried my eyes out as i posted. i've gotten a lot of understanding and acceptance from those who post there. i never really knew about it until i desperately needed to have a place like that. so i guess i just want to remind you that it's there for you.


take it easy, and take it slow.
my heart is with you as you go.
--orleans

a hug for you and a tight squeeze of your hand

i am so sorry for your tremendous loss
i hope there are friends and relatives that can give you much help, support, and comfort. no matter how prepared we think we are...

love transcends our physical bodies--it is our spirit, our soul. love does not stop or end or die when our hearts no longer beat. love is the thread--the link--that holds us together across the dimensions.

wishing you an abundance of peace and comfort as you begin this journey.

i just read the stories on your link

(i didn't click on other links)

interesting.

the only phone thing along this line happened years ago -- the day my dad died. he had been on a noisy respirator that had a sound all it's own. after he passed i came home and got on the phone to call a friend and i heard that respirator on the phone line. at this point i don't recall if i heard it over the ringing (my friend never answered, he wasn't home) or if i heard it before the call was connected and began to ring. but it freaked me out to no end!

after that i had two dreams about him--where he was walking better than he had been able to (and no longer using a cane) and the second dream where he walked perfectly and looked happy and healthy.

maybe that respirator sound was kind of a fluke--maybe he was still trying to get his bearings (it had only been 2 or three hours since he died)

my mom and i had a signal for the phone and it's always surprised me that she never signaled me after she took flight. the first couple of years i got a lot of signs from her but never the phone signal we had.
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