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orleans

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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 05:56 AM
Number of posts: 26,481

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(music notes) blue moon (music notes)

"blue moon
you saw me standing alone
without a dream in my heart
without a love of my own"

and there was me, singing this to the moon in the backyard tonight.

one of the ways my mom likes to let me know she's around

is the perfumey scent that belonged to her.

she gives me a lot of "signs" --and a lot of different ones, but her scent has been a big one. i get it when i walk past her room--not all the time and i haven't gotten it for about a month--and then today there it was.

there is no perfume in her room, no empty perfume bottles. sometimes i smell it when i'm in the living room. i think my daughter has only picked up on it a couple times. i wish my mom would give her granddaughter more signs that she's around. my daughter got several different signs from my mom but it has been awhile.

one time she gave me the smell of buttered popcorn when i was sitting in her chair in the living room. i used to make popcorn for her almost every night (and we'd listen to mike malloy together) but when i smelled it it had been over a year since my mom physically parted and over a year since there had been popcorn in the house.

another time was the horrible smell of nail polish remover--she and i both hated that smell--and my daughter smelled it that day too. it was a sign for my daughter and myself to "get the hell out of the house" and get going. my daughter is the only one who uses it and she hadn't used it for a couple weeks. as soon as she picked up on the smell, after i did, the smell was gone.

i'd say to gently broach the subject

if the news is bad

you told peggy your mom is 87 w/health issues
blurting out "bad news" probably isn't a good idea--especially if she's having difficulty breathing to begin with.

and then maybe couch the "bad news" with the "bright side" or up side or give it a bit of a positive or uplift.

good luck. be kind/gentle w/your mom
i'd love to be able to still have mine to worry over how to tell her bad news. or good news. or just that i love her.

"The Heart of Grief"

i just came across this and wanted to share it

"The experience of loss deprives us of a living presence, a loved one. Our daily lives are thrown in disarray. Our life stories careen off their expected courses. Our connections with the larger contexts within which we find meaning are strained. We feel devastated and helpless in the face of forces and events we could not control.

"We experience heartbreak and miss those we love terribly. We meet their absence everywhere. We long for their return. We feel joyless, hopeless, and as if life is drained of its meaning. We wonder whether we have the heart to live on without them. The courage and motivation to face the challenges of relearning the world we experience. The will to reshape our shattered lives, to redirect our life stories. The faith and hope to sustain us on the journey.

"We do not want to stop loving them. We rightly resist those who say we must. We know in our hearts that it matters too much to us and to those who died.

"The central challenge as we grieve is learning to love in a new way, to love someone in separation, at least as long as we walk this earth. Nothing is more difficult. Nothing is more important. Nothing is more rewarding."
--THOMAS ATTIG-- The Heart of Grief: Death and the search for Lasting Love (2002)

this is the only place in cyberspace where

i have cried a tremendous amount of tears onto my keyboard as i shared my heartbreak and felt the heartbreak of others here.

thank you -- all of you -- for "listening"
for caring
for sympathizing
for understanding
for sharing

and thank god for this group/place/refuge

while there is so much sorrow, so much sadness in our hearts and anguish in our words, i realize that there is an incredible amount of love we have for those we miss in our lives.
and how absolutely amazing to be able to love and care about someone so completely.

we grieve and we love.
we remember and we love.
we go on and we love.
--orleans



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