I am heartbroken.

My two dogs have declined very quickly. They are 15 1/2 years old and we've had them since they were found on the road at 3 months old. They have similar brindle coloring and could be littermates, although their build is very different. Sam is definitely a "Heinz 57" while Sidney is the picture of a Plott Hound. They are both as sweet as they can be. They are wonderful, wonderful dogs who think they are horses... or else the horse thinks she is a dog. It's not clear.

Sam can barely walk, despite a heavy cocktail of pain meds. He looks like a drunken sailor when he tries. Sidney is less lame, but won't eat enough calories of any food to maintain her weight. She seriously looks like she doesn't have a mom. She loves to try different things, but just won't eat enough. This is her "fat" season and you can see every bone in her body.

I came across a professional picture that was taken of all 3 of us in 2015 when they were hearty and smiling big doggy smiles. If nothing else, that cements in my head how far they have gone down.

I made an appointment for a final "farm call" next Tuesday, with the crematory to arrive at the same time. They have had a life together and will go together, in every way. I don't want the last thing to be a traumatic car ride (they hate vehicles of any kind), and then try to figure out how to lift them out. Let them lounge on the grass instead, until the vet they know and love arrives.

The thing about dogs is that they will force a smile and wag their tails until the very last day. Cats are hard enough, but at least they sort of withdraw at the end... well, all of ours all did.

They've had a good life by any measure, especially for 50+pound dogs. But let's not let rationality get in the way. We want them to be happy and healthy for far longer than this, but we do normally outlive our beloved pets.

I know this group will understand. I just wanted to say it. I have plenty of support from friends who will actually be here with me, and I'm so thankful for that. But, damn, it hurts!