Trump Furious After Nobel Committee Gives Him Participation Trophy

By Andy Borowitz
May 24, 2018

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly furious after the Nobel committee informed him on Thursday that he would not receive a Nobel Peace Prize but would get a participation trophy instead.

In Oslo, a Nobel spokesman said that Trump would have the distinction of becoming the first world leader to receive such a trophy, also known as the Nobel Consolation Prize.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-furious-after-nobel-committee-gives-him-participation-trophy

CBS News February 9, 2019, 12:39 PM

Fishing villages, small boats and children at play dot the landscape along the shallow waterways of Colombia's Magdalena River. But an invasive species left behind by one of the country's most infamous figures is threatening the ecosystem and, possibly, a way of life.

That species? Hippos. The giants, native only to Africa, are now running wild in Colombia, reports CBS News' Manuel Bojorquez.

<SNIP>

The majority of the hippos still live inside Escobar's former estate, which was turned into a theme park in 2007, but the issue is that they can't keep them contained. Some have been able to get out which is how they are turning up in other areas.

Oberdan Martinez runs a theme park there, where the hippos are a main attraction. According to Martinez, Colombia's the only place you'll see a pack of hippos in the wild outside of Africa. He also said it's more common to see a hippo in that area than a pig.

More: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pablo-escobars-hippos-keep-multiplying-and-colombia-doesnt-know-how-to-stop-it/?fbclid=IwAR1BS3j0zADGidCsmtSJL_8X8lsYJVvwa3kkOveSeUl07LLcD3CFQGoggkA

A British Company Names a Wormlike Amphibian After President Trump
In an auction, EnviroBuild paid $31,250 for the species’ naming rights. (Not everyone is happy about that.)
February 07, 2019 Jason Bittel

The newly named Dermophis Donaldtrumpi

In December, the Rainforest Trust, a conservation nonprofit, auctioned off the naming rights for 12 species found in Ecuador, Panama, and Colombia. The newly discovered menagerie included a whiskery mouse, several gorgeous frogs, a number of delicate orchids, an adorable salamander, and a trap-jaw ant that can snap its mandibles closed so fast that the force flings the ant into the air and out of harm’s way. All impressive, but the species to nab the highest price tag of the day was not a fuzzy mammal or a fluorescent frog, but a caecilian.

More: https://www.nrdc.org/onearth/british-company-names-wormlike-amphibian-after-president-trump?utm_source=fb&fbclid=IwAR2piMc1-gCq1Q6qwhs4vqQ4QVd4TLOanKop3aH6txBYiYyfLlU241WnRSc

I was eating breakfast with my 10 year old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's President's Day!"
She's smart so I asked her, "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton, etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bullshit."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.

Dear Customers:

I am writing to address the news that our Gene-by-Gene laboratory, which processes genetic tests for several commercial clients in addition to all of the FamilyTreeDNA tests, has processed a handful of DNA samples for cold cases from the F.B.I. In many cases, the news reports contained false or misleading information.

Let me start with this categorical statement:

LAW ENFORCEMENT DOES NOT HAVE OPEN ACCESS TO THE FTDNA DATABASE.

They cannot search or “dig through” FTDNA profiles any more than an ordinary user can. As with all other genetic genealogy services, law enforcement must provide valid legal process, such as a subpoena or search warrant to receive any information beyond that which any other user can access.

I have been an avid genealogist since I was twelve years old. FamilyTreeDNA is not just a business, it is my passion. I fully understand your privacy concerns on a personal level.

Law enforcement has the ability to test DNA samples from crime scenes and upload the results into databases, like any other customer can, and it appears they have been doing it at other companies for the past year. The distinction is that, according to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, we expect the FBI and law enforcement agencies to let us know when they submit something to our database. We moved to something transparent, rather than having them work in a stealthy way. Other than that, nothing changed that affects the privacy of our customers.

FamilyTreeDNA has always taken your privacy seriously and will continue to do so. We’ve remained steadfast, always, refusing to sell your data to pharmaceutical companies and other third parties.

One of the key reasons law enforcement wanted to submit their samples to us is the same reason many of you have: out of all the major companies, FamilyTreeDNA is the only one that has its own lab, and our customers’ samples never leave our company.

As previously stated, law enforcement can only receive information beyond that which is accessible to the standard user by providing FamilyTreeDNA with valid legal process, such as a subpoena or a search warrant. Again, this is specified in FamilyTreeDNA’s Terms of Service, just as with all other companies.

ABOUT OUR TERMS OF SERVICE

The Terms of Service were changed in May of 2018 to reflect GDPR requirements, and we informed our customers about the update at that time. Those changes included a paragraph that required law enforcement to receive our permission to enter the database and since it was a part of the overall update, notice was sent to every FTDNA customer. Without infringing upon our customers’ privacy, the language in the paragraph referring to law enforcement was updated in December, although nothing changed in the actual handling of such requests. It was an oversight that notice of the revision was not sent to you and that is our mistake. Therefore, we are reverting our TOS to our May 2018 version, and any future changes will be communicated to you in a timely manner.

This is the May 2018, GDPR-compliant version, communicated to you at that time: “You agree to not use the Services for any law enforcement purposes, forensic examinations, criminal investigations, and/or similar purposes without the required legal documentation and written permission from FamilyTreeDNA.”

WE WILL DO A BETTER JOB OF COMMUNICATING WITH YOU.

I am genuinely sorry for not having handled our communications with you as we should have.

We’ve received an incredible amount of support from those of you who believe this is an opportunity for honest, law-abiding citizens to help catch bad guys and bring closure to devastated families. We want you to understand, as many of you already do, that you have the same protections that you’ve always had and that you have nothing to fear.

We’ve also heard from supporters offering ideas and solutions to make the FamilyTreeDNA experience a more comfortable one in light of this new information.

We are listening. Our plan is to create a panel of citizen genealogist advisors who will work with us as we focus on how to make your FamilyTreeDNA experience the best one available.

Sincerely,

Bennett Greenspan
President
FamilyTreeDNA.com

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