A Fly in the Ointment

[H2O Man]

41. Thank you for sharing this.

It used to be -- and still too frequently is -- that women are ashamed to report abuse. Or the cycle convinces them that "he's really trying to be better." Or, worse, they believe that they are somehow at fault ...... the old "look what you made me do!" bullshit. I'm glad that you are out of that situation, and now with a Good Man. (I'm fond of my brother-in-law, you know.)

The #1 reason police used to be so hesitant to press charges is due to the number of abusive husbands with a badge and gun. Indeed, all of the other "reasons" stacked on top of each other would not add up to a tiny fraction of this #1 reason. That's a sad fact, and certainly closely connected to the outrageous levels of police violence in communities -- outside of their homes -- that we witness. The job attracts them.

Years ago, my late brother beat his wife, who I am very close with -- from before he met her, until long after they were divorced. Looking back, I know that head injuries from boxing made him prone to violence. But it is not an excuse. He worked in a defense industry plant, one I had worked in years before. I was furious, and attempted to enter through the heavily guarded gate with my old badge, because I wanted to beat the shit out of him in front of his co-workers & friends. Alas, they did not allow me to enter. Thus, I was young and stupid back then -- as opposed to my status as old and stupid today. I thought violence could resolve violence.

Though I do think self-defense is a Good Thing, in the majority of cases, the solution is supposed to be the legal system. The reason laws have changed, of course, is because too many cops refused to arrest a violent man for domestic abuse. Now they are always supposed to arrest the offender, no matter who they are, or what position they hold in their community. Yet, as we see on the film of Gabby with the police, they did not do what they were required to do ..... instead searching for justification to not make an arrest. That psses me off. Had they charged Gabby, and actually separated her from her boy friend, it would have taken about twently minutes to get her relaxed enough to tell the truth -- that, exactly as reported, he had been hitting her. It was so obvious that he had threatened her when the police were catching up to their vehicle, and she was extremely intimidated by him standing close enough to hear what he was saying. His demeanor made it clear that he was manipulating the police. So I wish I had been there at the time with the police, as anyone with experience would have been able to get him incarcerated, rather than put in a hotel for the night. Shit, they have no idea if he stayed away from her or not that night -- something I find unlikely, as abusers tend to want to control their victim in these situations.