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Fri Mar 22, 2013, 03:18 PM

Just ripped a co-worker. Now I feel terrible. [View all]

This co-worker sees me as a sort of mentor. I've shepherded her through her moderate advances at the company, and encouraged her throughout, both professionally and personally. This includes frequent discussions about politics and current events. Yes, that's probably bad policy in the workplace, but it's fairly common here.

I have long known that she has a conservative stripe, even at the same time as she tries to overcome some biases. Trick is, you can only transcend your biases when you can see them for what they are.

Today she wanted to talk about Steubenville. She expressed dismay that the convicted rapists would be classified as sex offenders for the rest of their lives. I reminded her that a rape survivor remains a rape survivor for the rest of her life. Then she started in on "well, when slutty girls go to parties and drink, what can they expect to have happen?"

Lost it. I told her that the word "slutty" is not acceptable and that she was a rape apologist. She claimed not to understand the term "rape culture," claiming (as she often does) that it was made up by the politically correct elite (hear the talking points here?) She can believe it or not, but it exists. Standing in sanctimonious judgment of women's behavior makes you part of the problem, not part of the solution.

But now I feel kinda bad because I think I missed what might have been a teachable moment due to my own (triggered) reaction as a survivor of a similar type of sexual assault. Which I shared with her. Somehow my rape was "different." I don't know how that could be, because essentially the same criteria were met. I was drunk and a man I trusted raped me while I was passed out.

Tired of hearing about rape culture? Guess what. I'm tired of living in it. So very tired. I feel like we have to start this struggle fresh every day.

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Reply Just ripped a co-worker. Now I feel terrible. [View all]
lapislzi Mar 2013 OP
love_katz Mar 2013 #1
Mopar151 Mar 2013 #29
redqueen Mar 2013 #40
Mopar151 Mar 2013 #78
DonCoquixote Mar 2013 #126
Mopar151 Mar 2013 #130
Egalitarian Thug Mar 2013 #47
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love_katz Mar 2013 #132
EOTE Mar 2013 #2
calimary Mar 2013 #97
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 2013 #3
nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #4
love_katz Mar 2013 #5
ReRe Mar 2013 #49
spooky3 Mar 2013 #87
ReRe Mar 2013 #90
RVN VET Mar 2013 #111
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southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #6
lapislzi Mar 2013 #15
southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #19
bettyellen Mar 2013 #36
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bettyellen Mar 2013 #59
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busterbrown Mar 2013 #95
lapislzi Mar 2013 #100
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bettyellen Mar 2013 #37
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lapislzi Mar 2013 #134
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