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General Discussion

redqueen

(115,103 posts) Wed Jul 30, 2014, 03:06 PM Jul 2014

Our default setting is not 'yes'. [View all]

It is long past time to end the assumption that if someone doesn't say no, or fight back, that they are consenting to sexual activity.

People react to stress in different ways. Some may freeze up. Others might be traumatized by past sexual violence and react in passive compliance while inside they're terrified.

It is really not too much to expect that someone should care enough about their partner to notice their state of mind, signified by body language or evasive responses to queries.

One way to fight rape culture is to stop pretending that it is hard to tell if your partner is fully engaged, interested, and enthusiastic. It isn't.

22 replies

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Highlight:

Our default setting is not 'yes'. [View all] redqueen Jul 2014 OP

You make a good point ... 1StrongBlackMan Jul 2014 #1

Interesting that in this kind of interaction, it isn't often viewed that way, no? nt redqueen Jul 2014 #3

Another breath of commonsense from redqueen! Tetris_Iguana Jul 2014 #2

When you say it that way it seems so logical. el_bryanto Jul 2014 #4

Perhaps it's one of the problems with compulsory education. Trillo Jul 2014 #5

One doesn't need to be a body language 'expert' redqueen Jul 2014 #6

Common sense will do just fine... LanternWaste Jul 2014 #11

I think that's a good guide. alarimer Jul 2014 #16

Lame salib Jul 2014 #12

ITA. However, you are assuming that "someone" actually gives a @#$% about the partner's feelings.nt raccoon Jul 2014 #7

Sadly true. nt redqueen Jul 2014 #8

I think that some men think that society expects them to "take the lead". This needs to be changed. rhett o rick Jul 2014 #9

I think you said it quite well BainsBane Jul 2014 #10

I do not think a real answer is not to "take the lead". salib Jul 2014 #14

So true ... 1StrongBlackMan Jul 2014 #17

Many of them probably thought it was 'romantic'. nt redqueen Jul 2014 #19

Sure, but look at some other "signatures" in that article. Trillo Jul 2014 #21

In fact, the default is No. Iggo Jul 2014 #13

Sadly no, some don't. redqueen Jul 2014 #18

He knows it, too. Iggo Jul 2014 #20

That redqueen Jul 2014 #22

truth. n/t PowerToThePeople Jul 2014 #15