General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Can you be friends with someone who holds political views opposed to yours? [View all]LWolf
(46,179 posts)Of course, being one of the older generation, I was raised on the mantra that religion and politics don't belong in civil conversation.
So unless I'm gathered with people who actually gathered to discuss those things, I don't. If someone brings up either of those two topics to discuss, as long as they keep it civil I engage them. If they simply cannot keep it civil, I courteously express disagreement and physically remove myself from their presence. That stops it, because they no longer have an audience. Fortunately, that's rare. It has never involved my friends. One member of my extended family, and a few co-workers, but still, very rare.
Your scenario happened to my mom recently; she, to her credit, is one of those people who just loves people, loves everybody, and automatically attributes the best characteristics to them. I've spent decades comforting her when she is then shocked or disappointed. It's a routine part of my relationship with her.
This time, though, she was devastated. She's 78. I held her last week while she cried. She honestly is so sensitive that she is crushed by people's expressions of hate. I talked her through it. At her age, she says she can't afford to lose any friends, because too many of them are dying off anyway. But she doesn't think she can stay in contact with this one. I suggested that she make herself scarce until after November, and then test the waters.
I am a different person. I seem to have always been aware of the hate around me, and the hate simmering in others. I've tried to balance that by specifically focusing on whatever I can find that is positive in the people around me. I like people, even plenty of people I don't agree with. But then, the reality is that I am a true Lone Wolf. I agree with some people about some things, but there is really no group of people I align with in total, and I haven't tried for the last decades. My mom is a better person than I. I, on the other hand, have developed thick calluses when it comes to hateful people. And I encounter hateful people everywhere I go. I just do my best to either not engage them at all, or engage them softly, and defuse the circular feeding frenzy that they routinely engage in.