First snow and I caught myself thinking of drinking [View all]

[TEB]

Even taking campral for alcoholism. I have had distance on campral with not drinking. I don’t know how it works I just know it works for me. I tell you snow is a trigger it sounds foolish I caught myself thinking of opening up well making a beer run I have no booze at house.

What makes me want to drink is memories of my youth in army west Germany in mech infantry battalion. I was never in a war I was lucky. I caught a PCs from 82nd to Europe over a ankle I busted twice on drop zones.

We always drank in army in garrison at Bragg in Germany we drank in garrison but also on FTX field training exercise reforger certain iron we had booze on apc or 113 the tracks. It was just normal at 20 years old the mid 1980’s we would score beer on economy doing training. Always winter it seemed because ground was frozen.

Another big trigger is smell of diesel fuel in cold like when I used union jockey. Snowing the smell of diesel burning as trucks idle when you couldn’t turn em off for fear of fuel freezing. It reminded me of apc infantry Europe that smell and I wanna drink.

Just alcoholism how it tries to work you this disease and it is a disease. I know I am not morally deficient I suffer from affliction. For 30 years I raised a family with my wife we are a couple. And I was union trucking I didn’t drink everyday but when I drank I drank to get drunk.

Smoking bud

I remember in 2009 the bush depression union freight was hurting massive layoffs. In my job I get pissed random it’s federal rules. And on that layoff I started smoking weed daily I could judge by seniority when I was getting my call back. And this was before years before campral almost a decade.

My wife mentioned doing bush depression for almost seven months smoking bud I hardly drank beer. Although my judgement was way off then the union freight company had mass call back and I had sit on personal time to clean out the weed from my system. And when I went back to work I never caught a random drug test for like 2 months better be safe.

I’m over my cravings I hope this morning I hit the pull up and dip bar with our sons. They love to outdo dad. Years ago when we had contractor do our deck and patio. I had him put in a pull up and dip bar in my mania I always have worked out since infantry. A ramble letting all know who suffer from the disease of addiction that TEB is sucking wind we’re all just human. And I cannot figure out this disease.