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Wed Mar 3, 2021, 07:54 PM

Now That I'm Older... [View all]

>>> If you canít think of a word just say, ďI forgot the English word for it.Ē That way people will think youíre bilingual instead of an idiot.
>>>
>>> Iím at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
>>>
>>> Iím getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
>>>
>>> I donít always go the extra mile, but when I do, itís because I missed my exit.
>>>
>>> At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in ďThatís a load of 2020.Ē or ďWhat in the 2020.Ē or ďabso-2020-lutely.Ē
>>>
>>> My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
>>>
>>> Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. OK, I ate a pizza! A good one! Are you happy now?
>>>
>>> I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
>>>
>>> I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
>>>
>>> *A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
>>>
>>> Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9' through shag pile carpet to change the TV channel.
>>>
>>> Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
>>>
>>> Remember back when we were kids and every time it was above 30 outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither!
>>>
>>> I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
>>>
>>> I loved approaching 66. I learned something new every day and forgot 5 other things.
>>>
>>> A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I got up and searched with him.
>>>
>>> Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
>>>
>>> Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
>>>
>>> Itís weird being the same age as old people.
>>>
>>> When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This not what I expected.
>>>
>>> Life is like a helicopter. I donít know how to operate a helicopter.
>>>
>>> Itís probably my age that tricks people into thinking Iím an adult.
>>>
>>> Marriage Counsellor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
>>> Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
>>>
>>> Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So rememberÖDonít sing!
>>>
>>> I see people about my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
>>>
>>> So if a cow doesnít produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
>>>
>>> Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
>>> One day youíre loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next youíre crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you donít even like.
>>>
>>> You donít realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
>>>
>>> We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
>>>
>>> Good thing you canít get fat from laughing!
>>>


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Reply Now That I'm Older... [View all]
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 2021 OP
nature-lover Mar 2021 #1
WVreaper Mar 2021 #3
jpak Mar 2021 #2
magicarpet Mar 2021 #4
appalachiablue Mar 2021 #5
LiberalArkie Mar 2021 #6
ProudProgressiveNow Mar 2021 #7
mgardener Mar 2021 #8
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 2021 #9
momta Mar 2021 #10
Mr.Bill Mar 2021 #11
dianaredwing Mar 2021 #12
BarbD Mar 2021 #13
gademocrat7 Mar 2021 #14
leftieNanner Mar 2021 #15
CaptainTruth Mar 2021 #16
RVN VET71 Mar 2021 #32
housecat Mar 2021 #17
bluboid Mar 2021 #18
swimboy Mar 2021 #19
BlancheSplanchnik Mar 2021 #20
SheltieLover Mar 2021 #21
GeoWilliam750 Mar 2021 #22
PatrickforB Mar 2021 #23
SergeStorms Mar 2021 #24
FakeNoose Mar 2021 #25
Harker Mar 2021 #26
littlemissmartypants Mar 2021 #27
cilla4progress Mar 2021 #28
rickyhall Mar 2021 #29
DeeDeeNY Mar 2021 #30
PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 2021 #31
HUAJIAO Mar 2021 #33
MustLoveBeagles Mar 2021 #34
Moostache Mar 2021 #35
Mickju Mar 2021 #36
niyad Mar 2021 #37
BComplex Mar 2021 #38
PatSeg Mar 2021 #39
FuzzyRabbit Mar 2021 #40
taxi Mar 2021 #41
Paper Roses Mar 2021 #42
MiHale Mar 2021 #43
rhiannon55 Mar 2021 #44
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 2021 #48
Karadeniz Mar 2021 #45
Ka-Dinh Oy Mar 2021 #46
BlueMTexpat Mar 2021 #47
cate94 Mar 2021 #49
58Sunliner Mar 2021 #50
wendyb-NC Mar 2021 #51
llmart Mar 2021 #52
ShazzieB Mar 2021 #53
DENVERPOPS Mar 2021 #54
BobTheSubgenius Mar 2021 #55
dchill Mar 2021 #56
Jakes Progress Mar 2021 #57
trof Mar 2021 #58
raccoon Mar 26 #59
trof Apr 30 #60