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Not Heidi

Not Heidi's Journal
Not Heidi's Journal
May 20, 2024

I need some jokes, please.

I need jokes - clean jokes, please - to send to my friend in jail. I've sent him two jokes so far, and he's said that they made him laugh. He needs to laugh.

Please post your best jokes. Short or long - doesn't matter.


May 19, 2024

I heard from my friend who is in jail

About a week ago, I sent Frank (not his real name) my first letter as he languishes in jail. I heard back from him yesterday. He dictated a Facebook message to his husband by phone (I think that's how he must've done it). I thought I wouldn't hear from him until he got out, so I am thrilled.

I was concerned that he might not be safe, but he reports that he is. I told him a joke that he appreciated.* He asked how my foot is (recent surgery), which I didn't expect. He's always thinking about others.

I miss Frank very much. I hadn't seen him for a couple of years (he lives in No. Cal.). He visited us at our house on his way to jail - completely unexpected (but my sister knew), and I'm so glad he did.

He writes that he's working on a letter for me, but not to expect it for some time. His sentence is for less than a year.

I've known Frank since we were kids. I met him when my sister and his became best friends as freshmen in high school. He is my oldest friend. We haven't always kept in touch, but that ends now. I love Frank and wonder how I could not keep in touch with him.

*I have another joke lined up for him in the letter I'm writing now. Please offer your opinions - or maybe a better joke:

A string is walking down the street and sees a bar up ahead. He decides to go in and have a beer. Inside, he hops up onto a bar stool and asks the barkeep for a beer. The barkeep sneers at him and says, "You g.d. string! We don't serve your kind. Get out!" Stung but used to this, the string hops off the bar stool and leaves. Outside he continues on his way.

He sees another string walking his way, a friend he hasn't seen for a while. They greet each other, then the second string says, "Hey, there's a bar up ahead. Let's go have a beer." The first string says, "I just left there. The barkeep said they don't serve 'our kind.'" The second string says, "Oh, yeah? Watch this." He jumps up high and ties himself up. Then he pulls at his ends until he looks all shaggy. The first string gets it and follows suit. Then the second string says to his friend, "Let's go." They enter the bar and hop up onto bar stools. The barkeep comes over and stares at the strings. Somewhat nonplussed, he says to the second string with a sneer, "Aren't you string?" The second string says, "Frayed knot."

May 17, 2024

Just a few daunting little tasks.

(First: I'm very, very grateful for my insurance. Believe me, I know how lucky I am.)

Here are 16 tasks, most rather wearisome. With the fact that the next three weeks looks like this, the whole thing is wearisome.

With a few exceptions, like getting my sister to SNA and home again, going to see the Angels vs the Padres, and getting my car smogged, it's mostly part of the run up to shoulder surgery three weeks from tomorrow.

I am looking forward to a few things, and to getting this surgery - and the long recovery - over with!

I'm also glad that they're replacing the *right* shoulder, as I'm left-handed.

Have (has?) any of you had a joint replaced? Isn't it fun?! 🙄

May 11, 2024

The Interpreter (2005)

Sydney Pollack's last film.
Nicole Kidman, Sean Penn

I didn't know what to expect, but it was Sydney Pollock who sold me. I don't watch many thrillers; this is the first one since The Silence of the Lambs that had me literally holding my breath.

Silvia Broome is a dual citizen of fictional Matobo (in Southern Africa) and the United States. She works at the United Nations, translating the Matoban language of Ku to English.

The president of Matobo was once revered but is now a tyrant whose rule has devolved into ethnic cleansing. At the UN, Silvia happens to overhear a portion of a whispered conversation indicating that the president will be assassinated when he addresses the UN General Assembly.

The US Secret Service is assigned to protect Silvia. Sean Penn and Catherine Keener lead the detail.

I'm going to stop there, because 1. I don't want to give away anything and 2. I don't know how to write a decent plot summary. But I can recommend this film. It is really good.

The film contains gun violence and lethal explosives.

May 9, 2024

Why "[unalive]" ?

I'm browsing Bored Panda, and I've just seen [unalive] - rather than "kill" - in a third article.

For context, this last one is in a thread about things we humans are scared to death of but which aren't quite as lethal as we believe. Sharks, vaccines, bees, quicksand, slightly-out-of-date food, those little silica packets marked "DO NOT EAT," etc.

In describing a few of these items, the author chooses to write [unalive] (brackets included) as the verb rather than "kill." It's not used to replace the adjective, dead; it's always used as the verb "to kill."

[Unalive]? What the hell? Did this become a thing while I wasn't watching?

Unrelated: This reminds me of a scene in Band of Brothers. Some American soldiers encounter a German soldier who's trying to surrender. His hands are up and he's yelling frantically, "NO MAKE DEAD! NO MAKE DEAD!" It was a mildly funny scene.

May 8, 2024

I want so badly to go to Pride. I can't.

I had foot surgery on April 23. Long Beach Pride is May 18-19; that's just eleven days away. That's too soon to be on my feet for hours.

Chances are I'll be able to go to Orange County Pride, which set for October 5. I really don't want to miss OC Pride. I live in Orange County, and OC was my first Pride. At the time, I'd only come out to my sisters. All my friends went to an evangelical church (so did I) and I hadn't yet come out to anyone there. I was terrified of taking that step.

I was very proud to be at a Pride festival, very proud of myself. Now I'm 61. I lived a whole lifetime in the closet and have lived a longer lifetime out. I know who I am - I'm powerful and free - and I want to spend a day with family.

This is a little disorganized; thanks for listening anyway. My peeps. My family.

May 6, 2024

Don't want to hijack mahatmakanejeeves's Hindenburg thread in American History, so . . .

. . . I'm posting this here. It's related, but not enough to include there.

I was 12 years old when the film The Hindenburg was released. I saw it once and became almost obsessed with airships. I read encyclopedias at home, and books that I was surprised to find in the library.

In the 1920s and '30s, the dirigible was in regular use by Nazi Germany and by the United States Navy. (Note: the US used helium to raise their ships.)

A few of the US Navy lighter-than-air ships were
USS Shenandoah, commissioned in 1923 and lost in 1925 in a storm, with the loss of 14 lives
USS Los Angeles, commissioned in 1924 and served until 1939; dismantled in 1940
USS Akron, aircraft carrier commissioned in 1931, lost in 1933 in a storm, with the loss of 73 lives
USS Macon, aircraft carrier commissioned in 1933, lost in 1935 due to structural failure, with the loss of 2 lives

Of course I don't remember all of this from my youthful research (I do remember the names of the ships), but reading about it today refreshes my memory and brings back a little of that sadness and strange excitement. What an odd thing for a 12-13 year old child to study as if a grade depended on it.

Adding to my fascination was the Goodyear Blimp. Living in Southern California, I was well acquainted with the blimp, which moored at a landing field about 15 or so miles from where I lived. It was just off the 405, so I saw it almost every time I went to Grandma's house in Long Beach. I also saw it in flight frequently; I knew the sound of its engines and I'd run out of the house and watch it until it sailed out of view. I'm 61 now and I still want to catch a ride in that blimp.

May 6, 2024

Would you support a rule that required owners to sell?

The rule would force an owner to sell if, for example, the team ended two or three consecutive seasons at, say .350 or .400.

It's late and I'm not feeling very creative, but maybe you can come up with some ideas.

I'd support this rule. Maybe I'll send a note to Rob Manfred.

May 6, 2024

Odd doings in FV: what's with Dutch Bros?

Strange car queuing is now a fixture at the NE corner of the intersection of Magnolia St. and Talbert Ave. in Fountain Valley.

A Dutch Bros Coffee - more an overgrown kiosk than a shop - was built in the parking lot of the corner strip mall there. It opened on February 9 this year.

People wait in unbelievably long lines for the drive through, snaking through the parking lot (across the painted parking spaces) in two improvised lanes. Dutch Bros employees stand in the lot, directing traffic. It seems that more cars are in line for Dutch Bros than are parked for the strip mall's other residents combined: Sprouts, fish & chips, pizza, ice cream, Thai food, children's martial arts, Dollar Tree, and more.

Most evenings there's also a very long line of standees awaiting their turn at the walk-up window.

The most absurd part of this coffee drink-driven spectacle is that, when the shop opened and for several weeks afterward, the line extended from the parking lot and east down Talbert Ave. Obtuse caffeine aficionados blocked driveways and entrances to residential streets. Fortunately, the city found a way to stop this.

I should note that I, too, love coffee. But I'm not going to waste 90 minutes of my life in my car, adding fumes to Earth's fragile atmosphere, just to satisfy my curiosity about the merits of a single cup.

All that (TL;DR?) is preface to my questions:

Why all the excitement about Dutch Bros Coffee? And do similar phenomena afflict cities in other states?

May 5, 2024

As of 5/4, the Halos are 12-20

Do you have an idea about why this is?

Mine (perhaps predictable as I'm probably the biggest Angels fan on DU) is a single name: Arte Moreno.

I wish they could force owners to sell.

Profile Information

Name: K.J. Heidebrecht
Gender: Female
Hometown: Huntington Beach, CA
Home country: United States
Current location: Fountain Valley, CA
Member since: Wed Jun 19, 2019, 03:15 PM
Number of posts: 1,361

About Not Heidi

I am the former Bertha Venation. My Congressperson, Michelle Steel (R-CA-45), took money from MAGA harridan MTG. She will pay for it. (Please, please, make her pay for it.) The Angels do not play in Los Angeles, or even in Los Angeles County. They play in Anaheim, Orange County, California.
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