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kozar's Journal
kozar's Journal
January 14, 2020


I am trying so hard. Wifey has spent 2 weeks dogging me,
Tonight it blew up,,she is under psyche care like I am ,, I had few drinks today,,and was instantly hit in this house,,
"you drink" I spent my day fixing finances ( 30 mins) and the listening to her about care daughter gets from state.Hopefully,, you all know me,and I worked for 9 ears with intellectually challenged people.. but when I called state,Wifey said I was wrong. Because I saw 2 things the state workers were not doing right.

In 3 weeks,,I have,,fixed the household finances, put my foot down on dogs and cats we have, and what she spent on training the 3 dogs,which she still does not know the commands. Cost,,,3 thousand.

That was 6 months ago, I feed pups everyday( I truly love then) 2 cats,,ive learned how to scrape lid off their food, or, if I see them drinking out of toilet,, my denture cup.. I know they have no water. I do this daily.

and Mrs today,, when I did my normal morning routine.. the I had to call Siriusxm about a false charge*(refunded) fixed,,

our internet bill,, ( once again fixed)

and talk to my family that she felt good saying I had a couple drinks today

What I know at end of today,, I had a couple drinks,,,all bills are paid. I haven't lied.
But when I talked to her,, Im a bastard..
all I know,,,,,,Ill sleep good tonight, my bank account will show,,what I gave to her.
Im dealing with a woman who wants me gone,,,there is a lil girl in middle, why it isn't happening

December 26, 2019

I am fucking back! delete me if you want.

I guess I made some way to honest posts a while back,,not in this group but in breaking new,,and I was told I had no trusted source,and my post was locked and so on and so on,as I received pvt msgs that I belong to the recovering group and I must be high for posting this. So I just decided at that point ,, I quit DU.. just popped in because it is Christ's b-day,,no offense,, hmm a bunch of replies from a post I made in Aug,,about farmers against Trump.. Hmmm Koz,,, maybe you can be right on Du stating your beliefs and listen to your psyche when she says,,this is internet,, believe in YOU! tto iris,and all who sent mssgs,,TY ,, I do Wish you all best for you and your family on the holy day,, and will end by saying,, IM fucking back!,,,ty all for strength


December 20, 2019

Trump threatens to not sign bill to keep Govt open

Source: Goggle Chrome webpage breaking news banner

until Impeachment articles are forwarded.. Just came across Mrs K computer,,I do not have link yet

I did some research,,her breaking news banner originates from msn.com


Read more: Link to source

December 18, 2019


hit me this morning,, my niece texted me and let me know that they were holding a bday party for my brother on Jan 4 because he will be 60yo. She implied how our parents need to see the 3 sons all together because they are old. I talked to Mrs K, said Im too new into not drinking to be in that position. So this went down, years ago I would have went and done it..hands down. Today I emailed my Mother,because when I called her ,she was out shopping. And I said " I can't ,too many traps" she emailed and pushed about the 3 of us and our families all being together again. I just said " I cant" Then a light went in my head,,and I called both my brothers,and niece and said " I cant,this is why" and then I told both my brothers about Mom's concerns and said " I agree with her,,we need to do this,,but in a more controlled situation" Miracles of miracles! they both agreed! and we will start working on that after the new year for Mom. I stood up today,,where I wouldn't have before. I called,,not texted, and explained. Even Mom tonight when I finally got her on phone agrees. I think my psyche will be proud when I see her Friday,, I know Mrs K is right now! Whether you all know it or not, you all are part of my support group too, simply because I can type these thoughts out.
thanks for listening.

December 17, 2019

I hate to feel like I am flooding this group,

but I feel I should update. did my Christmas Cantatas yesterday, 3 times in 3 different churches. Mrs K, lil bit and I left house at 8am yesterday, returned home at about 730 last night. The music humbled me. we hit all 3 singings. What surprises me is how absolutely totally exhausted I still am. I was one of those "jocks" all my life, 59 years old,still weigh 215 so I am active. I cannot not remember EVER being this tired and worn out. My music has always been just doodling here with Tess, some Karaoke, and some live sets with a couple bands I know. The amount of effort it takes a singer in choir to sing 9 songs in a row, 3 times in one day, floored me and I have so much respect for professionals now. Tess went through the whole day with me as Mrs K did and slept for 20,Yes, twenty hours straight. All went great,I love this new music diversion that has kept me sober so far. Then choir director told me as I left last night,,take 2 weeks off and rest, your solo song we will start working on in January. I feel like I should go into training!! Yesterday was a great experience with a group of great singers, and my family was there all day. A great day for us, and I had the DU support behind me too!!!
Thank you


December 13, 2019

may be a double post,, more updates since meltdown

Incredibly hard week, that ended so well. We had to sue a person in court who was paid by state to take care of my Tess, while Mrs K and I could go out. Won that court case on Monday, but our lawyer said we would have to go through garnishment to get our money. Lo and Behold, her lawyer called our lawyer yesterday and offered a payment plan,, which is EXACTLY same plan we offered before court. SO we took it,,Tess will get her money.
Music wise, I learned a 76 page Cantata for Sunday in 8 days to sing with a choir. It was the trade for the choir to sing a song with me as lead, that is on my bucket list. Great group of people, I am having a ball! I do need to sing bass in choir, which is at absolute bottom of my range, and after 4, 2 hr practice s this week, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts(diaphragm). but at least the actual Cantata is only 50 mins long. It has been a great week. no meltdowns,no drinking. A great positive week, once again, I thank you guys too. You are a big part of my successes along this road.

December 13, 2019

Seriously, MoscowMitch ?

They are not hiding anything anymore. Hopefully Judge Roberts reads this


Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is bragging that he’s handing over control of the Senate impeachment trial of President Donald Trump to President Donald Trump.

“Everything I do during this, I’m coordinating with White House Counsel,” the Kentucky Republican Leader told Fox News’ Sean Hannity Thursday night. “There will be no difference between the President’s position and our position as to how to handle this.”


more at link


December 9, 2019

my world since my meltdown

Firstly,,ty for the support. Since then, here has what happened,

I am still going to sing my song in the church,in fact, every time the choir practiced with me, they were rehearsing their Christmas Cantata. And I managed to learn that music and words and will join them Jan 15 for their Cantata.

I have been working even harder, on state rules for HCP individuals. Specifically, mentally challenged. Because of My Daughter. Here are the abridged rules I know, because of my work and I am able to look at these rules as a Dad. I can hire whoever I want for "respite "care at rate I choose. We chose 15 an hour here in Tn,, most care workers get about 8-10 an hour.
But,the big but, My daughter has 40 hours per month during the week approved for personal and hygiene care. But that has to be though an agency that state supplies. We have adhered to that for years. Agency sends a care giver,, my daughter learns to trust them, and caregiver quits through the agency and my daughter suffers and another care giver comes in ,Mom and I train the new one and rinse repeat x 10,20 whatever. Bottom Line, adhering to state rules. Mom and I will not EVER leave Daughter for anything until we know she is comfortable.

So today I made progress, I have been fighting for and saying,,you will pay anyone for respite that I hire. But Hygiene and personal hours have to be agencies. Why can't I hire who I know is comfortable with Daughter? and will answer to me.not state when they decide to leave.

Today out of nowhere, Rep called me,Senator called me,,Gov called me,but I sent him to VM. they are listening. I knew the rules because of what I did as a profession. I am ,and have brought up THEIR rules as to why this will save them dollars and give my Daughter better care. I am waiting on 1 more call to confirm, per all the other calls I had today, that I can do this.

I woke this morn feeling defeated,,thought of a drink upon waking. Resisted that urge and these good things happened. Point is, there are times we need to fight, our addictive urges first, and then our beliefs with our addictive safety net.. at end,, This was a good fecking day.


November 30, 2019

Im here,,

not my proudest day by any means. I lost yesterday, Im back to day 1 I failed. folks from this group have reached out and I think I may have scared them with my honesty. I did not mean to question anyone's beliefs, or make any replier to my OP feel like it did not matter to me. I read all replies,,answered as many as I could. my mental and physical realities took over, and I did struggle to bring both in check, more my mental faults because I could not walk away from a simple jerk/asshole response.

I lost yesterday,, I still love and respect this group.. today,,I am back where I am each day...I only need to win today

Profile Information

Name: Doug
Gender: Male
Hometown: Florida
Home country: USA
Current location: Fla
Member since: Fri May 18, 2018, 04:38 PM
Number of posts: 2,221
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